MY WORLD

NEW YEARS RESOLUTION 2012

2012-01-04T23:21:00.000-08:00

Health:

1. Drink plenty of water
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants, and eat less food that is manufactured in plants
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy
5. Make time for prayer
6. Play more games
7. Read more books than you did in 2011
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day
9. Sleep for 7 hours
10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk every day ---- and while you walk, smile

Personality:
11. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment
13.. Don't over do ; keep your limits
14. Don't take yourself so seriously ; no one else does
15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip
16.. Dream more while you are awake
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need..
18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more
24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

Community:

25. Call your family often
26. Each day give something good to others
27. Forgive everyone for everything
28. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day
30. What other people think of you is none of your business
31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick... Your family and friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:

32. Do the right things
33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful
34. GOD heals everything
35.. However good or bad a situation is, it will change
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up
37. The best is yet to come
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

BROKEN TELEPHONE

2012-01-04T20:40:00.000-08:00

I was very good at broken telephone in primary school.

The mean girl with the shrub who always rushed through the "secret" word had nothing on me because I could decipher her words. I am still good at it 15 years later..OK 20 but whose counting :)

I am very good at hearing what people don't say.In campus I attended all psychology electives that dealt with interpersonal behaviour and non verbal communication. Why? Because for the longest I felt, and still feel, that people don't understand me (sometimes). Is it me? Is it them? Am I from Venus and the whole freaking globe is from Mars? Whatever the reason is, I am good at communicating..in my own way.

Trouble is, I keep encountering people as close as my most excellent bed mate, who aren't.

How do we learn how to communicate then?

From our parents? from our house helps? I fired my son's nanny this morning because, among other misdemeanours, she has taught my niece to say,"weee" "mjinga" and "angalia huyu" As a result, my cute 2 year old niece communicates through abuse. My son, by beating her up and all of us by yelling.

Why do we expect others to read our minds and know the entire picture – the one that is in your mind – without showing it to them? Just because one person has the picture in their minds eye, doesn’t mean that anyone else sees it. As a matter of fact, you are the only one in the entire world (or Universe) that sees that picture!

Communicate.

The world’s history is riddled with cultural and religious clashes, with millions of senseless loss of life over one thing: Lack Of Communication Skills. You could also call it: Refusal To Appreciate Other People’s Views. In 2011 I lost a lot of friends and businesses because of lack of communication skills on both my part and that of the communicatees <--- Just coined this word if you use it MPESA!

Here are a few rules about communication that I have learnt to avoid BROKEN TELEPHONE:

1. Never communicate via social media

When Mark Zuckerberg started face book (then called The Facebook) he wanted guys in Harvard to get to know each other better. Noble cause. Fast forward 8 years later, guys now cheat, hire, fire, make up and yes breakup through facebook, twitter, gmail chat, skype, meebo, snap even Linkedin! I laugh that the new way to show enmity is by "removing" someone from facebook, blocking them, unfollowing them on twitter and such. Gone were the days when you just avoided meeting them in town! The world has really become a global village.

Social media is the perfect example of "Broken Telephone."
When someone posts something on Facebook, you will automatically think that they are targeting you as an individual. I have a friend on fb called Eddie Mbugua who is constantly getting into a "comments" argument with his wad of female friends about some of the chauvinistic statuses he posts. Why? There's the me me factor.

It's not always about you!

No seriously.

Point is, if you have guts enough to put it on face book and twitter, have the same gusto to pick the phone and call and yes NEVER text! The tone in texts is worse than on chat and twice the charge!

Did you know you text and chat according to your state of mind? The optimism spewed when you have just gotten paid or laid is very different from the one you have on Sunday morning or after a great loss. If someone taunts you in the afternoon, you work in Industrial area, have a had a crappy lunch or a boring work load, you will subconsciously off load all that stress on the text.

Face to face is always best. Don't break up on the phone, tell then face to face. Don't solve emotional conflict via social media, face to face is always best.

You see,you can see the pain written all over someones face when they explain how that text really hurt them. you can also touch them which, scientist have proven, is indeed a language of love.

Leave social media to occupy wall street, the Egyptians, Major General ChirChir and free advertising, don't fight on facebook and please, don't whine on twitter, I don't know why, especially on that forum, you come across like the hugest looser south of Qaddafi's grave!

2. Tell the person, not their mother, best friend or boss

"I can't stand that person." How many times have you pseudo confided/ runt and raved to a stranger, work mate, friend or even a relative.

This is where broken telephone earns it's degree. The worst kind of information is second hand. Personally, I have been so hurt by what I heard than what was told to my face. There's some malice that comes from 2nd hand information. Depending on whose giving it, it can either be laden with crap, royco and venom. It's my 2012 resolution not to talk about people because guess what, people will talk about me too and in the worst ways.

In 2011 a good friend of mine cornered me about some juicy piece of trash I was hauling around about her. What I liked was HOW she told me. 3 months later when more important things had happened in her life. She called me out with respect and I took it, how could I not? I also learnt that if I give it, I've got to take it. I have been trash talked so much in 2011 it's a wonder I don't wear garbage bags.

So now I tell people, with respect. Steppin' to guys is really a ghetto thing to do. We all fall, we are all imperfect, this whole issue of calling someone out like they owe you rent is really juvenile and the result of having a bad nanny ( re-affirming my decision to fire the bitch) It is also very juvey to brood. As a noun, brood means a bunch of chickens, as an adjective, it means acting like a child. Children mope because their communication skills are not fully developed. Adults brood because their communication skills are not fully developed. Difference, are you a child? no? GROW UP!

3. Never burn your bridges, it is never that serious

Unless it is an abusive, adulterous, hurtful ex, never use the word never.

"I will never talk to this person again." Life is full of elements that bring us together in ways that only the Almighty knows. I never liked my cousin, he was a bit of an asshole and he beat his wife. When he died tragically in a road accident, it didn't matter, we were all equal. That's the point really, we are all equal. The only place where some are more equal than others is in the "Animal farm" and in Parliament.

If my flaw is financial management, maybe yours is verbal diarrhea and the other guy rapes people! We are all equal, no one is more perfect than the other especially when communicating with someone you love.

If you pose your point of view as more superior than the other person's then your going no where really. It can't always be your way and even though you are set in them, the world isn't yours, there are people with a different set of ideals. Agree to disagree, don't rubbish them as a lost cause.

I am straight but don't hate on homosexuals. I am a Christian, I don't hate on Muslims. That's just me. Opinions differ but we are one. Agree to disagree don't write off all Somalis as Al Shabaab for example.

However

If someone writes you off, hung up the phone and step on" Bishop T.D Jakes

Which brings me to my final point

4. Let it go

Sometimes, no amount of talking is going to solve it. If you have followed all the steps of communicating which are:

AIMING> What and why do you want to communicate

ENCODING> What language should I use, what does the "user" already know

TRANSMITTING> Is it the right time and what is the point

RECEIVING> Remember that whatever you read or are told, people think 3 times faster than they speak

DECODING> Did the sender get the message?

RESPONDING> This could also mean, not saying anything at all or blogging about it

:)

Page 5 of 366 done!

Love and Light to you and yours...always

My debut in the papers :)

2011-11-15T22:39:00.000-08:00

http://www.standardmedia.co.ke/InsidePage.php?id=2000046764&cid=616&

WHY YOU RUN AWAY FROM LOVE, LITTLE BOY

2011-09-25T18:36:00.000-07:00

You can’t seem to settle down
Seems to be too many toys around
What you gonna do about the girls whose hearts you’re breaking
Can’t you see the damage of the libertys you’re taking

Why you run away from love little boy
There’s nothing wrong with a little love little boy
You’re gonna end up all alone little boy
So why you run away from love little boy

You can’t tell me your heart don’t feel nothing
Cause when you first met the girl
It could not stop jumping
Now you seem to be holding back
Emotionally you’re empty
You must try to let yourself go
And taste what you’ve been missing

Why must you have to want to go on this way
You don’t seem to ever want to change your ways
All you have to do is to decide to give her one chance
And you just might find there is some goodness inside romance

Lonliness is a serious thing
I want her to be there by my side every night cos it’s right
Not joking, i’m not joking, not joking, i’m not joking
Put aside your pride before it’s too late you might fade away
Be strong hold onto your love

MOJO

2011-08-18T00:48:00.000-07:00

I must feel everything!
I want it to hurt to the core,
the kind of feeling I cant ignore
It must choke the life out of me so that I can survive
and bleed again.
In my mind theres a lions den,
I often dream that they attack me
I must sleep,please do not wake me,
They must tear all my ligaments,
Lick my blood and all its condiments.
I want to feel,raw,pure pain
feel every prick,swallow every grain,
It must disturb me surely
Make me dull and gaudy,
I want to fill the expanse of my body
Every nooke and cranny
Fossil fuel me to the past
Ashes to ashes,dust to dust
How else will I remember
Never to be here again...

I must feel it all
The lion...slain

JILL PHILLIPS-HANGING ON

2011-08-15T18:13:00.001-07:00

The weight I fastened on trying to make my world run
Almost pinned me to the floor
I could not orchestrate one solitary day
And the more I worked I found my efforts all in vain
I believe that I need to let go of these things
To be free
So help me stop this hanging on
All my worry got was more of what I did not want
A love of power and control
Every hour running kept me in my starting place
When I finally rested I began to win this race
There is only so much I can do with these two hands
Precious is the freedom when I finally understand
That I need to let go of these things

FORGIVENESS AND ALL THAT

2011-08-15T00:56:00.000-07:00

So I have recently gotten my heart broken in very familiar circumstances, I was fooled by human nature.

Heart breaks are not restricted to relationships that are romantic, I have come to discover. In fact friendship and family can break your heart far worse, mainly because you never saw it coming. Never in your wildest dream did you think your best friend would betray you or your brother or sister would turn on you.

But human beings do what they do best, they hurt others. It is up to us to choose whether we will stick around for a second helping or do something about it.

What am I talking about? Forgiveness.

Forgiveness sucks, nay, it sucks ROTTEN EGGS! But it is so important especially when you are tired of beating yourself up, coming up with different scenarios and explanations and yup, are done being depressed.

I for one don't mind sharing that I have been depressed for a good portion of my life. Waking up in the morning and not feeling like living is not a good thing. Whether it is self inflicted or situational, depression, like heart break, like forgiveness belong to the same sucky club, in fact they play golf and organise play dates!

For these and many reasons, I tend to fast forward my pain. I imagine myself with another man who loves me for me and is faithful, I day dream about coffee dates with my battery of girlfriends who laugh at my every joke and understand when I don't, I dream that I am an only child...ok that Donald Trump is my brother or Barrack Obama!

This is generally because; living in the present sucks as well. I mean who wants to feel now, now is painful, now bears no fruit, now is hard. If you are living in the future however you can create your own utopia, you can orchestrate the steps that led you there, or not. The present forces you to live, the past lets you reminisce and the future allows you to die to your present.

And for this and many reasons, forgiveness hurts. I am the kind of person I want bad things to happen to you. You hurt me I pray that God punishes you and if He is too busy dealing with the Holocaust victims or the Japanese Tsunami or our MP's, I call on his universal accomplice called Karma. Oh don't I like dishing the line, “Karma is a bitch and will get you." I say it with an emotional similar to the one Lady Macbeth called upon the spirits to "unsex her" I call upon it with the same measure of pain that is, at that time, causing my heart to pump faster. Karma needs to avenge me. Why? It is only fair that if you have caused me a proportional amount of bodily or emotional heartbreak that you should feel the same, I mean you must! Kwani? (Next open mic is September 6th at 7p.m Clubb Soundd by ze way!)

However, I also know the rot unforgiveness causes. It eats at you slowly, you don’t even realise how bitter you become. You begin to hate your partner, you begin to bitch about your friends to other friends in their absence, and you alienate yourself from your family and by extension, their world! Unforgiveness, like forgiveness suck. They both take time to settle in and they don't feel very nice. However, unlike unforgiveness, forgiveness has a mature result. Like life. You can only learn through experience right? The same with forgiveness, you can only become a better person through it. You drink your enemy’s poison, that’s how odd forgiveness feels like. But it is the only way to live in the present.

Living in the present doesn't have to suck though if you live a moment at a time. If you start bundling stuff together especially all the things you have NOT done like for me: doing my masters, buying a car, paying my HELB loan, being normal, I get overwhelmed and start feeling defeated. However if I plan on how to do shit like save, get a side hustle, empower myself to get another job, the present becomes bearable because it is in tandem with the future, they are hand in hand.

So, I have chosen to start my year now and forgive. I am so bitter about stuff that I can’t change and even if I could, I would still propagate it somehow. I am done. It's time to live.

Finally, forgiveness, like life is a choice. If you wake up in the morning and want to blast yourself and don't, you have lived. If you wake up in the morning calling upon Karma and all her evil step sisters, then you might as well look for a gun, and aim at the heart, where it bleeds the most.

2009-03-26T08:57:00.000-07:00

I am a woman because of a man
who fell in love with my mother
and proved that yes he can have sperms that swim
faster that Michael Phelps and with his help
I learned to call him daddy and love my mummy
because she is mum coz he is dad
a man

I am a woman because of a man
who fell in love with me or was it I to him
my fixation on him was nearly a sin
as I gave him access to that soul within
and watched with that same liberty as he used that freedom to crush me
I am now stronger and a wiser lover
because I was a lover
to a man
...ok an asshole ( doesn't have to rhyme)

I am a woman because of a man
He is the Great I am
who looks at my tempest and is never shaken
who hungs out with me, through hell and through heaven
He told me that I am not forgoten and am highly favoured
with his romantic words I now adorn a swagger
I hold my head up High because I belong to the Most High
because He is both God and Man

I am still a woman because of a man
for those who call me sister, auntie
and for those who will call me wife
because you see the woman in me and treat me accordingly
treating me with gentleness, speaking to me attentively
arousing my feminine whiles, letting me hug your pain away
letting me cry and smile,whin and advice, follow and have my way
I am a woman , not ashamed to be called one
I am phenomenal through and through whether am a size 6 or 10
I have been since I was born and even in death even then
I will thank the men who had a hand in letting me say
I am a woman because of a man....amen and amen!

Tired

2009-03-07T03:35:00.000-08:00

I am so tired of being alone
Am tired of wanting to get along
Can I add, Sick and tired of being broke
Very tired of people taking me as a joke because
I don't comb my hair or have a flare that is womanlike
sure when my jeans are tight
you might like what you see but you see
dressing up isn't me
It stems from a past of covering my body up
I was afraid if I showed too much, my cup would overflow
and there we would go again and again and again so I got tired...

Tired of being called a tom boy
I mean...who the hell is Tom?
And I know that because of my dad I look like a boy
but I call it reflection
From a man who sired a woman who can change a nation
I love the fact that I look like my dad
So I'll be damned if true love tells me to take it all back
To weave it, nail polish, to give sexy back
I am beautiful even when my "fashion"is under attack

Dont you find it wierd that we all dress the same
and depending on your shade or colour,
It may add or reduce your fame
Like a big family that shops at deacons,
it's lame
To brand someone fashionable
Because their dress has a centimetre wide lable.

I am just saying
am tired of being alone
In this war of clothes
dont get me wrong, look smart, feel better about your woes
but if you do it for esteem?
Then your inner beauty is dim
No matter what they say you are a cherubim
so stop acting like sheep and act your image...HIM!

I wear clothes that fit my body
Hells yeah am sexy
Got legs that run all the way up
you know you want to touch me
But I choose to slip them into trousers
Not because I dont have the hours
to shop for a dress
But because I impress even in my distress jeans
coz am tighter than a Cavalli seam
I am a cherubim
reflection of a creation
Am just sayin.....
I am HIM

IT'S FEB ALREADY!

2009-02-23T07:32:00.000-08:00

I know I haven't been active on my blog this year. Allow me to share with you an annoying fact...whenever I get emotional and feel like rendering my heart in words, most often than not, I am far away from a computer, pen or paper.

So I sit like a sack of anxiety and ponder my nerves off.

Right now am in the office, watching Monday's edition of re-up ( a music show that airs on NTV weekdays from 6-7 p.m). There is a segment that I am particular about, it's an events recap which my boss entrusted to me. Thing is, the guy who edits it is a proud jango ( nuff said). So I tell this proud jango to chop some irrelevant bits, he doesn't and worse of all has these excuses argh!

But that's the least of my worries...a lot of things are on my mind right now.

I have just concluded some reality tv show, everyone is expecting instant fame, contracts...hmmm

I am also beginning to long to be with God, in His steady presence that is all so quiet...everything around me is so noisy, it's like I am never alone, I am constantly surrounded by bellowing voices, whispers of people chattering, gossiping, laughing...I think am slowly loosing my noggin!

But still I wake up, longing for the breeze to visit my face ever so softly...not like it doesn't, it's just hmmmm

My elder sister is pregnant but I don't feel like a part of her life any more( remember the previous blog nolens volens)

Well now that I am in a new stage of maturity in my life ( I moved out of home, the desire to be her "best friend" overwhelms me but still, I can't pick the phone. You know because of our bitter past, bile is always pre-set at the bottom of her tongue and trust me, when she spits, it's poisonous hmmmm

I also had a falling out with my two best friends from High School, one because I spoke my mind and it was too loud, the other because I spoke my mind and it fell on deaf ears.

I have stopped believing in best friends...now I believe in Angels

Hmmmm

2009/2000 and MINE/2000 and SHINE!

2009-01-25T07:22:00.000-08:00

Everyone has high hopes for this year. You can tell by their swagger in town, they are looking for something even if it is only the beat of their hearts that guides them.

I have such dreams this year too, crazy dreams, and I am not sure if it is vain or not, but they involve making big money:-)

I pray my dreams will take me
to the top of the green hill
where the grass feels as soft as my fantacies
those semi-dream realities
that possess me sometimes to the point where, I dare say
I can do just about anything

I can stand up and let you know what I really think of you
where my friendships are more true than far between
where people understand exactly what I mean

those medleys are beautiful
my heart if so hopeful this year
I will take my doubtful spear
and pierce ...

you want to know what?

keep reading

Happy New Year.
May God cause his face to shine upon you
May He open up the windows of heaven for you
And grant you ...your dreams

This poem was inspired by the Awakening by Sonny Carrol

2008-10-13T02:35:00.000-07:00

THE AWAKENING

My awakening came one day when I sat on my bed clutching my heart so tight
Coz I thought it was going to burst open
Pain ripped through me like I had swallowed hot stones that were beating in tandem with my anxiety
And to my surprise I whispered loudly, there is more to life than James Brown
Off course I can’t say his name, my purpose is not to defame him it’s about the awakening, that time that comes in your life when you finally get it

Your spirit, In the midst of all your fears and insanity stops you dead in your tracks cries ENOUGH!!
Enough fighting and crying
Struggling and trying to hold on.
And, like a child quieting down after fitful storm,
Your sobs begin to subside, and something inside you sees the world
Like they were staring out of God’s eyes.
The tide is an awakening.

You realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change,
Your deranged view of happiness, safety and security
Gallop over to the next horizon and disappear
Like your belief in Prince Charming, that’s fiction
and you are not Cinderella that’s a vision
the world paints to taint your focus on facts.
The fact is there aren’t fairytale endings or beginnings
and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" is with giving the child back to you

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect,
not everyone will always love, appreciate your defects
and it's OK.
They are entitled to their own opinions, they call themselves legion coz their points of view are many
So tell me, why would there contusions be a reason to judge your every breath with
You awaken when you stop bitching and blaming other people for maiming you by what they did or did not do to you
and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.

And the awakening, so

Wake up and smell the coffee darling, it’s not always about you
you learn to overlook shortcomings and human frailties
you learn to stop judging and pointing fingers,
you learn you learn you learn

to open up to new worlds and different points of view.
Redefining the good people and the goody two-shoes
You learn the difference between wanting and needing,
discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, through learning
arming yourself with a cross that you now bare gracefully
like scars reminding you that the past is not a destiny
the stars are things that you should play on
walk on water kind of faith
those days are gone
You have worn your last crown of bondage
Packed all your false realities in storage
Coz we all know that love causes
You to learn
you learn you learn you learn

the difference between romantic love and familial love.
when to stop giving, and when to walk away.
And it’s ok
You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship.
You a more valuable than an emotional field trip
Stay at home, read a book,
"alone" does not mean lonely.
Is there anybody who is feeling me
say learn

Awakening is when
You admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of a wall
You stand tall and are thankful
and take comfort in things that are simple
a full fridge, running water,
a warm bed,
a long hot shower.
Slowly you begin to take responsibility for yourself, by yourself,
You make a promise to never betray thyself
and to never, ever settle for less
than your heart's desire.
You walk through the wire, umbrella in hand
Balancing and trusting the wind
That you now listen to
Because your heart is open to everything wonderful
Finally you don’t grab it so hard
You understand
with courage and with God by your side,
you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and abide to
design the life you want to live as best you can.

Because you have lived and learnt
And are now wide awake!

The Awakening

2008-10-13T02:33:00.000-07:00

The Awakening

A time comes in your life when you finally get it. When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out -- ENOUGH!! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is your awakening. You realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming, and you are not Cinderella and that in the real world there aren't always fairytale endings (or beginnings for that matter), and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you, and in the process a sense of serenity is born out of acceptance. You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect, and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are and it's OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions. And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself, and in the process a sense of newly found confidence is born of self-approval. You stop bitching and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.

You learn that not everyone will always be there for you, and that it's not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance. You stop judging and pointing fingers, and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness. You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche. And you begin to sift through all the crap you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look, how much you shouldn't weigh, what you should wear, where you should shop, what you should drive, how and where you should live, what you should do for a living, who you should sleep with, who you should marry, what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of having and raising children, or what you owe your parents.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing, and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with, and in the process you learn to go with your instincts. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility, and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry, and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love. Romantic love and familial love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving, and when to walk away. You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, not intelligent, more lovable, or important because of the man or woman on your arm or the child that bears your name. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations, and outcomes. You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love and you learn that you don't have the right to demand love on your terms. Just to make you happy. And, you learn that "alone" does not mean lonely.

And you look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you "stack up." You also stop working so hard at putting feelings aside, smoothing things over, and ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK...and that it is you right to want the things that you want. And that sometimes it is necessary to make demands. You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect, and that you will not settle for less. And you allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you, to glorify you with his or her touch, and in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect.

And you learn that your body is really your temple. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water, and taking more time to exercise. You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear, so you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels the soul, so you take more time to laugh and to play. You learn that, for the most part, in life you get what you believe you deserve, and that much of life is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for, and that wishing for something to happen is different for working toward making it happen. More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success, you need direction, discipline, and perseverance. You also learn that not one can do it all alone and it's OK to risk asking for help.

You learn that the only thing you must really fear is the great robber baron of all time: FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears, because you know that whatever happens, you can handle it, and to give into fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms. You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On those occasions you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God is not always punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It's just life happening. And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state - the ego. You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy, and resentment must be understood and redirected, or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.

You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls. You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower. Slowly you begin to take responsibility for yourself, by yourself, and you try to make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less than your heart's desire. And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best you can.

~Sonny Carroll

SHAME ON YOU!

2008-10-13T02:24:00.000-07:00

Apostle Nyagah has some nerve declaring that women cannot wear trousers in church I mean, who is he? I have been at this game of salvation and protestant living long enough to declare that, in some churches, Sundays should just be called what they are, A MONEY MAKING SCHEME. Has his pockets grown so heavy with our tithes and offerings that he has forgotten the humble beginning of Neno Evangelistic church, when women wore trousers without a single word of protest from him? Is he so haughty, that he now conveniently forgets that the women –wearing-trousers sermons are the same as crying for a tooth for a tooth and an eye for an eye!

“Behold, the old has gone but the new has come” Jesus did not come to change the law but to complete it, not for people like Apostle sijui who, to declare that women, those low beings that we can dictate to like children, should not wear trousers. The unmitigated cheek! Shame on you!

In campus we had, what I believe was the most ridiculously hypocritical C.U in our pagan existence. Students, who became church leaders by virtue of how loud their tongues could wail, would pompously stand on the pulpit and declare 21st Century chauvinism! These are the same people who have children out of wedlock or were caught at some women’s hostels at an ungodly hour, literally! From this experience, I came to realise that doctrinal decrees are at best whimsical, based on the personal convictions of an individual. These men-of-God have been brought up in gichagi, where there mothers and sisters wore flared long skirts and tied headscarves on their heads. Now in the bid towards earning a shilling, they come to town, start churches and begin passing on their personal beliefs and norms to people, who have seen skirts and trousers long enough to know if you are looking for trouble you will find it!

Does Grace Msalame, a beautiful woman by the way, dress indecently? Hell no! But how many men ogle at her generous hips! Let me tell you, even if you wear a bui bui, if your head is in the gutter, it will look for rubbish. These so called “men” who called Classic 105 this morning declaring that women should not wear trousers…period. These are the same callous fiends who fornicate in private, are probably addicted to porn or have an unsatisfied sex life. Please! Don’t hate what you can’t conquer, and if you share the same school of thought as Apostle Nyagah, then the picture is for you! Bon Appetite!

Beauty for ashes

2008-10-05T06:30:00.000-07:00

I met a beautiful woman who wasn’t happy and that came as quite a surprise to me coz
Beautiful women are made beautiful so that they can be happy
I mean
It all makes sense to me,
If you can live your whole life getting things tax free
Then you’re easy
and you don’t even have to become a politician to survive.

But today, I saw a sad beauty
She was gaudy, with that all rounded feeling of having thought a lot
she hurt a lot
in places culture didnt allow her to talk about
bent over
so that you cant see the makes allover
like a tatoo
yes its taboo to be her right now
no family, no house, no husband and no cow
she is waiting for land to plough
to forget what made her odd somehow

she is broken and no one can fix it
though one time she thought voting would lift her spirit
so she cast a vote and checke yes
yes for better education
yed for better schools and roads
yes for a nation that turned on her three days later
when to her shock and horror
her family was moaned down
axe for axe, pound for pound
her friends were no where to be found
police had turned carcass for hounds
axe for axe
pound for pound

Sad people cannot be happy
they are angry and putrid, filthy and horrid
Blaming every stone for conspiracy by placing itself strategically on their path

They take all their tears and bottle them up,
arrange them in shelves they store them up
so that one day, if a trace of happiness is felt, they sip the solution to remind them how bitter life really is.

They take
axe for axe
pound for pound

they call upon the spirits that tend on mortal thoughts
To fill me from the crown to the toe top-full, Of direst cruelty!
Sad people ask the murdering ministers to come to their woman's breasts,
And change their milk to gall so that not even God can peep through heavens the blanket and cry 'Hold, hold!'

But that is not so for beautiful people
oh no
They wake up every morning,
their bodies aching from last night’s insomnia.
They go on their knees and hustle on in this Sodom and Gomorrah
They sip cold coffee and wear nice shoes that are a tad tighter and cheaper, they have that extra swagger coz inside,
They know that no matter
how small the effort, how faint the smile
they can see the Missisipi from the Nile,
and you can be anything!

They are beautiful not because they were born that way but because they choose to be that way
And live a tax free existence

It's been a minute...

2008-10-05T06:26:00.000-07:00

Seems like thats the fad way of saying "long time no see"

Hey, whoever you are that is interested in my world. I haven't been communicating coz, well, my new place of work has no internet access..good thing coz the new look facebook would have had me hooked for life! lol

A lot has gone on, new job, new friends, new huddles , relationship growth, sickness and complete physical and emotional freedom. Hopefully, I will get some time to explain all this. right now, am mellow so am gonna go and wish you peace, love and eternal blessings...word!

UNTITLED

2008-05-29T06:50:00.000-07:00

And at the end of the day,its always about you
you cannot let anyone steal your joy
It's always about you
you can't pin it on a circumstance
it's always about you
the change comes from within
It's always about you

I wrote this in that melancolic mood suitable for poetry

2008-05-29T06:03:00.000-07:00

I heard a rumour about you Cindy

I heard that you cannot sleep at night
without the breathe of light that comes from
the reassurance that, like ur teddy bear, he will never leave
coz its like they just keep on walking away
and though you try to be real, u
can never stop them talking long enough to make them stay,
those men with spurs who keep scratching against ur skull
dis track, there back
to scare that little girl

and all that is left is a pile of wonder
always thinking about what lies a yonder
I hear that sometimes you can't sleep at night
tossing and turning coz ur tired
but we all know its fright
SING: "for how long will you sing this song...Zion's train is headed home"

I heard a rumour about you Cindy Ogana
I heard that you get confused when you are all alone
so you crack up this smile and hope that with ur tone
happiness will sweep the carpet laid in ur heart by ur mind
i heard that sometimes you embellish being wise and kind
and at times like this when u r stripped
naked to the core, u peer into the abyss
aimless and get shocked by how much the shit is
it's still there?
u swear, ul deal with it later
but for how long will u bribe jack the reaper
with a song
SING: " Zion is headed home"

I heard another rumour about you Cindy Bonita
I heard that you were shifted and found wanting
the grain remained but ur chaff started stinking up
the temple that dwells the Most High , the Messiah
yes sir, I and I ..I
heard that you can lead this temple into temptation
and the good shit is, you always come out smoke free
because the good is God and there's God in me
you are venus,
ur smile makes ur lips blush
came up from the curse, use freddy teddy more like a woman uses a purse
that u love vehemently and don't apologise for knowing
that its ok sometimes to loose ur pregnancy
that it is cool to abort sanity and wonder
coz his staff will bring you back
and theres is nothing to fear pick ur poison girl
guitar or percussion girl
ur song and sing to the world that this girl;s....
"Zion's train is coming..and it will take us home"

GROWING UP!

2008-05-07T00:08:00.000-07:00

I had a blast at KWANI? Open Mic, Tuesday 6th May 2008. I have however learnt an important lesson

Never will I drink and MC at the same time. Wah! It impairs your flare on stage, wears you down and makes nagging poets seem annoying!

All in all I had fun and relished the opportunity to bless the mic

CHECK IT OUTTA (2)

2008-04-15T00:23:00.000-07:00

CHECK IT OUTA

2008-04-14T05:24:00.000-07:00

http://www.haiya.co.ke/node/211

poem (3): EXTRA EXRA

2008-04-08T04:02:00.000-07:00

extra extra read all about it
this is the full page spread but if u want it
it will cost you extra

its like extra is the new it word in the vocabulary
you see
am talkin from the stand point
or should i say the walking point of a Kenyan
who has to transverse from south to make it up north
with blisters on my feet
at night afraid of the thugs il meet
so i walk up to the boda boda brother
and he says
sister
it will cost you extra

extra is the new marriage
men whose fathers didnt teach them any better
get into fair weather unions
calling them communial living
giving
their co-habitors babies
while their out chasing other ladies
claiming
it's a man thing
they cant stand monogamy
thats as disgusting and grotesque as a politician miming
peace yet supplying weapons plastered with government signings
it's time for you to keep your zip up and start sowing
seeds of a generation that is looking
for fathers that have now become murderers
smudging other mens daughters with the sin of bigotry
can somebody tell me
why there are all these bastards around
i know the answer
but it will cost you extra

extra like that parcel of land that marks a deed your not entitled to
extra like that packet of milk that now costs you
extra
from a salary thats becoming lesser
tongues and dicks are getting wetter
greedier to get so let have forty
horny
dirty
ugly law makers who snear on television
the creaters
of idp's and r.i.p's
and yet they want extra
and as usual our mute faces are their silencer
stating i wont speak up coz they are from my side of the lake
so we have a steak incase i want to rise higher
steak to eat so that the bones can expire
and kiss my ass , i dont care i am a bonafide liar
its every man for himself how the hell do u expect this player
to get some paper,
ill just take your ballot papers and use them to make a fire
burning churches from eldoret to othaya
and as i sky rocket this country's inflation
i will straighten up my tie and spit peace to a nation
that is already paying extra

extra for all those bastards who were never taught better
extra for the mothers who let them get away with it
extra for the lives that are now lesser kenyan,
more anger
what is the solution?
i will not listen to yapping unions
led by a gold chain wielding batallion
i am kenyan
and for that reason
i will give you an answer
and for that answer
i will have to charge you
extra

A POEM (2)

2008-03-28T01:33:00.000-07:00

Today is my day

am goin to take the sun and place it on my head
it will shine so bright
that my scalp will scald
it will turn my dandruff to vapour
and my skin to dust
and even then, the dust will still be golden

Today is my day

am goin to wipe the mud off my shoes
after i get off the train
i will walk with my head up high
i will tilt my head up so high the skies will split
and create a cloud the shape of God's eye
and it will soak me with rain
and even then, the mud will still be golden

Tonight is my night
i will put all phones away
i'll forget the little fight
i will peel my blanket off
sit on the bed and wiggle my toes
i will snuggle freddy teddy
and cry myself to sleep
and even then the tears will still be golden

A POEM

2008-03-19T03:59:00.000-07:00

JUST TO LET YOU KNOW (LOVE)

I am a Christian woman
the heathen kind but thats a story for another day
pray tell
this is a chorus you know very well
so just to let you know
love
i love you

i love you but it hurts to do so
virtuoso
you are an unformed diamond roughened
by the slaps of isolation
toughened
by the lack of affection
and i slackened
to realise the potential of having you take space in my heart
i was so willing to see the good in you
hoping that if only i could love you
tragically,
you would adversely change and love me the way i want you to

sadly
that is not the case
so am left with the choice
should i erase
the foundation of meeting you and say were through?

oh no boe

this woman knows that to move a mountain
you start will small rocks
so lets get digging
grapes dont grow together but one seed at a time
so lets get picking
and make our fine wine
and with time
God through his mightiness
will show his prowess
and make you mine

coz its not so much the loving but how you love
and since all good things come from above
can i call you my angel
and handle
you when you have fallen
you are as imperfect
as an abortion
your jars of service as dry as a skin without lotion
and we all know you gave me those flowers after i not so subtly hinted
what an ass you are for not giving them to me for valentines!!!!

by gones

Really
lets just enjoy each others company
and as you learn from me
and I from the father
i pray that the education will teach you
to listen to the master
who is in your heart
who cheers you on and calls you
"son"
coz we are one
and when all things are undone
just so you know
love
i love you
till lemons become sweet
for every tear at my feet
till His will is done
lets be like the sun
and shine
together
forever
as one

stupid!

2008-02-08T04:00:00.000-08:00

The dictionary defines the word stupid as an adjective, hence it is used to describe people. Now honestly, there are some very stupid people who walk among us, as in who totally lack in intelligence and much to everyones chagrin exhibit the quality ofextreme stupor

Sad to say i sometimes belong to that category. Have you ever done something in your life that is completely uncalled for? Like yesterday while watching the Africa Cup of Nations semis (Cameroon vs Ghana) .Wacha some Cameroon guy called Bikey (i think thats his name)just pushed a paramedic who was trying to help his fellow team mate for no apparent reason, i mean really! yah suits his stupid ass right for getting a red card

Then comes yours truly, me. Today, allow me to strip the colour from my being and expose the vice that correctly echoes the sheng saying "kutoa rangi" This afternoon i just walked out of the studio ( am currently a jokey) and met a colleague halfway through an on air show. Now i could state in my diffence that i temporarily lost my barrings due to the excitement of their visit, i could also say the contents of the envelope i was to hand them were "costly" or i could just say i was plain STUPID especially since i was busted by boss (go figure) who did not hesitate to sms me "u have an amazing ability to want to be fired!!!!"

This is for all those sordid souls who, for no reason at all, go out and do stupid things like kill their neighnour (whom they have lived with peacefully for years) ati cause they don't speak the same language ama ( a superlative in my books) a happily married man who ditches the wife of his youth to marry a two bit whore or guys who cut ques in banks or ....yah run out of the studio in mid-air...gasp! gasp!

how you live (turn up the music) point of grace

2008-01-24T05:36:00.000-08:00

life is innately not what you do but how you do it hence how you live. I watched a movie on ktn over the Christmas holidays and it was about ( i forget the name) some 18th century family that couldn't die coz they apparently drunk from a spring in some enchanted forest. As fate would have it , the 100 year old teenager,fell madly in love with a girl and wanted her to drink from the fountain so that she doesnt kufa also and they can literally live happily ever after, shock! the chic refused! why? she discovered the secret in life is not not dying (knowhatimean) its is not living! and with that, i wanna share with you lyrics from a very powerful song, it is by point of grace, called how you live(turn up the music) i hope it speaks to you as it did me....shalom!

Wake up to the sunlight
With your windows open
Don't hold in your anger or leave things unspoken
Wear your red dress
Use your good dishes
Make a big mess and make lots of wishes
Have what you want
But want what you have
And don't spend your life lookin' back

Chorus:
Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
You won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
Cuz it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live

Verse 2:
So go to the ballgames
And go to the ballet
And go see your folks more than just on the holidays
Kiss all your children
Dance with your wife
Tell your husband you love him every night
Don't run from the truth
'Cause you can't get away
Just face it and you'll be okay

Chorus:
Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
You won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live

Bridge:
Oh wherever you are and wherever you've been
Now is the time to begin

Verse 3:
So give to the needy
And pray for the grieving
E'en when you don't think that you can
'Cause all that you do is bound to come back to you
So think of your fellow man
Make peace with God and make peace with yourself
'Cause in the end there's nobody else

Chorus
Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live

'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live

nolens volens

2008-01-24T05:12:00.000-08:00

happy new year mi maties! hope your keeping well. you will excuse me if i don't get into the political scenario of the year, am sure the dailies and the international media have milked that baby dry, mine is to usher in a new existence of myself, a new face, a new era and a new time

Wonder what the heading means? its Latin for unwilling or willing and that is my theme for 2008.

Why?

Coz face it, stuff happens in our lives whether we want them to or not. however i am currently reading Rhonda Bryne's "the secret" that begs to differ.None the less the law of God rules so i'll go with that for a while...

nolens volens we were all prisoners in our own homes as odm supporters toughed it out and we watched in shock and horror as innocent kenyans suffered. nolens volens i was sick during the "new year" and couldn't go to hospital hence,have a very melancolic point of view of that time, nolens volens my sister and i have grown apart

I come from a family of many women, drama very much included but there was one woman i became very attached to, my immediate elder sister. Catalysed by our two year age difference, i grew up knowing that she was my best friend and she was and will always be regardless of this ridiculous pall that seems to have fogged our otherwise loving relationship

I have a flaw of falling in love with those i care about and believing , rather vehemantly, that it is indeed my sovereign duty to take care of them especially when i think (important to note that it is a self inflicted resolution) they are "neshing". But you see human nature doesn't work like that, people are , afterall, firstly single then part of a commune. Regardless of the many trials we have achieved in the past, i forgot this year that she is, nolens volens , her. And i can't change her, and i cant make her see things from my point of view because , well, they arent hers.

So we had this big fight, pride pre-destining us to not see each others point of view but i was humbled by Joyce's Meyers teaching when she said , "you know what.. we can't get offended all the time when stuff doesn't go our way. sometimes no matter what you do or say,the other party will never look through your glass and see your reflection. All that matters is what God says about you." So am taking this season to learn what God is saying about me,more so my flaws. I have been branded an over bearing, self centered cow enough times to look into that mirror and see what i can do about the image bouncing back.

Coz like it or not, sometimes you just have to let it go so that it can come to you( if at all) and that my dear is my first post of 2008.

Let God be true and every man a liar!

Finding Neemo, your lost key, God and yourself

2007-11-29T03:43:00.000-08:00

So am in the mat in the morning,headed towards work.Its a typical setting; mat has loud music, this time, complimented by a DVD player so I get to atleast watch the racket and not imagine the lil punks singing at the bottom of my ear lope.

The mat hasnt't even moved a yard when this quirk seated on the window seat (the one behind the dere) starts chanting and mumbling.

At first I thought, "crunk has gone cultic these days" but when the noise didnt cease, i sort to fish it out. It was some lejo man ( you know the sect:jolejo a.k.a dini ya roho...) any hoo, he was wielding a two inch wooden sword on his left arm, complete with studs (read:thumb tucks) and a string of beads on circling his right hand. So, as he graced us with his public piety, we cringed and just watched in disbelief as the Kenyan sought God, in a mat, in the morning.

Made me wonder how many things people do in order to "find" God. Some have completely given up on the chase and only view Him as an obstacle to their otherwise "unbound" life. Others, get saved, like me..then later discover that that buzz you had when you rushed for the altar call is not present when you are intoxicated at the office party and have some dudes hand up or down your dress....

Others create their own religion to conform to their own sordid reality i.e Ron Hubbard's scientology and Kina House of Yahweh...not forgetten the King of Cults the free mason's and Marlyn Manson ( ai am sorry, church of Satan? i don't think so!)

My prayer everyday is that the deeper I discover self an ultimately actualisation, the more I will find Him in a perfect state where no sword, philosophy, pop culture or condemnation is needed. Just total peace, total understanding and above all, total love

my two cents in the slot

Peace!

Happy Birthday to me

2007-11-07T22:34:00.000-08:00

So today i turn 25
I woke up dead beat because last night i was combing through the hawkers market desperately looking for a nice top for my birthday. Off course i didn't find any so i opted for Tuskys ( does that name just annoy you especially when the vision of that silver toothed guy flashes before you) anyhoo
. So am at Tuskys right, they have this wide range of Enka Rasha rejects that look as bad and faded as the clothes from the street. I decide to go all girly ( only 25 once right) so i go to the skirts section. I find the one i want, i go to the changing room its like ten sizes too big. These dweebs fold skirts twice to make them look like a size 10 but they are actually a size 16. So i go through 20 minutes of these plus size discoveries until i decide , to hell, better the devil you know...i buy a top that can match with my jeans in the digs.

I get home around 9:30, shower and do my toe nails...Scarlet red..nice...thing is, nail polish takes forever to dry and am sleepy so i think to hell and jump under the covers , smudge and all.

I wake up at 5:50 a.m on November 8th 2007 feeling like shit lemme tell you today has been the most awful morning i have had in a long time . And the more i remind myself of the jubilation supposed to be followed by this festive event the angrier i get, i mean it was raining...how?..i have heels on with gold jewelery and a very Small top but noooooo the heavens had to open their flood gates which did nothing for My asthma. I hurriedly scamper to the bus stop thinking, if am early i can get the train and save on bus fare plus traffic. Luckily i make it on time to join the already swelling crowd at the terminal. God then looked down, saw a small stain on my body that perhaps i had missed during my hurried cold shower and decides to fix it...with a downpour of icy rain!

shit!

I ingia a mat in a rash to avoid wetness and asthma. The mat soon leaves even before the train so i reason...yeah! i have saved time...shock on the sister, the train arrives like 5 minutes later and passes me as i am huddled in this stinky metal carriage between school going children and noisy mothers!
I was stuck in traffic from 7a.m to 8:30

Double shit!

By the time i got to Town i was six by products of mad. Still got rained on again...my boyfriend calls me up to wish me Happy birthday and because of my already brooding mood am thinking "whatever"
Get to work every ones assuming you, i log onto messenger no one is on, my heels are killing me, am tired, bila psyche and its only 10 a.m!!!

Triple shit!

POINT: Theres too much pressure put on one day...valentines, birthdays, anniversaries...i think the real moments are the ones not marked in the calendars but those marked by their random awesomeness...wacha hii siku iishe so that we can have many many happy birthdays from tomorrow till November 8th next year!

2007-11-05T03:25:00.000-08:00

love is inately a very beautiful thing. I am currently in love by the way and having been in a shitty relationship before, I am honestly thanking God for being in a nice one. I am one of those species, if I like you? that's it...I will do everything I possibly can to ensure you know it often enough. Because of this interesting trait, I suffer from limerence: an involuntary state of mind which seems to result from a romantic attraction for another person combined with an overwhelming obsessive need to have ones feelings reciprocated....yah! it exists

But with time;God and life's bitch slappings, I am learning how to Love without discourse. Coz you see if you love someone, you do so unconditionally, without writing a quotation for payment. It is an awesome thing to love for loves sake. Sure am not stupid, reciprocity is key in every relationship, but if you wanna do or say something coz you feel it, say it now, while you still can. Not because your waiting for their turn ama ur thinking "huyo kijana kananizoea. Jana i bought my dude ice cream and it was nice and he juas he doesnt have to return the favour except just sit , giggle and watch me guzzle down zit fertilizer..lol
POINT:LOVE someone coz you want to, coz you can and coz they need you to...but above all love yourself coz they will, they may not and coz you want them to
(a moment for the deepness)

I need a Gun to shoot her or a new job...Lord, what will it be?

2007-11-05T02:51:00.000-08:00

The title pretty much speaks for itself but before you brand me as delusional, lemme explain
There's this chic I work with. She is honestly impossible to be around and like.
She has this class one tantrums that aggravate you to the point where your eye starts twitching are your thoughts are aligned with the movie rockie balboa
Anyhow
I pride myself in being a very reasonable and patient person( what, coming from a family of 8...you learn a thing or two)
But this chic takes the cake!For no reason whatsoever she's rude... as in your of salimiaring her, she's of lengain or making a snide remark. The thing with her schizophrenia mentalities is that they are random. One day your hot and heavy next you're her enemy , a vicious, venom spitting leprechaun

Arrrggh!

So i started lengain her vibe i mean, u are so not going to pimia for me when i should greet you or not, to hell with that. Thing is, i work at a place where from 1-1:30 , daily, i get to analyse preachings by Joyce Meyer and the whole month she's (Joyce) has been speaking about forgiveness(even when it pains you..) i tried it out once, decided to be the "bigger one" hmmm...I was getting a drink of water at the cooler. she was seated next to it, probably seething from one thing or another. sawa sawa si i say hi

Aaaaaaaaaaaarggggh!

Why did i even bother, the class A bitch( pardon my french Lord but how?)

So i have humbly come to the conclusion that there are some people you cannot live with...you'd rather lick a pavement!

Therefore for all those closet Christians like me, what to do? ignore them and blogg to relieve the strong anxiety to shoot them or resign
;-)
p.s did you know there's a site called toothpastefordinner.com? this ones a wierd one ebu check it out

women behaving badly

2007-11-05T00:31:00.000-08:00

hey hey hey
it is Monday and I am so sad that the weekend came and went that fast , I had a blast and it was all green!
lemme explain
first of all, a lil' street purchasing advice(si u jua hawkers are back with a bang of plastic papers and litter)
anyhoo
so thursday am walking home, trying to concentrate, my vision impaired by the hawkers wares, the people and fatigue from jobo
I come across some tunice ballet pumps and i quickly buy them , i mean they were 200bob, a size 7and a half (blame my dad) and lacy!
wacha i fika digs and discover they are actually pale green instead of white!
wah!
street lights at night lie!
So i took the lime and made lemonade,i wore em on sato with a green rugby top, and strutted my nature wear to the "women behaving badly" concert at the GoDown Art Centre.
It was a blast, met some new crazy people i.e Viola a.k.a....(chic you are a kenyan version of Alias converts...literaly) Naliaka( she came and went with a kick ass poem!about beatin the crap out of some dogging guy) babes, i couldnt help but imagine myself in those karate chop poses bashing my ex...lol
Njeri's poem was an eye opener( enyewe us chics of nairobi tumespoil ;-) and Eudiah! when i grow up i wanna have legs like hers
So twas a blast, after that dundad with my boys, work on sunday, no play today. have an awesome week and whatever time you read this oh dear viewer of my blogg, remember: don't let anybody steal ur joy...the world didnt give it, it sure can't take it away

P.S blogging is turnin out to be more of a plan than i thought hmmm...

Acne Dermatitis Puss Filled Pimples

2007-11-02T06:20:00.000-07:00

I was born on 1982
the era of skin lightening creams
am sure you remember them :ambi, Ponds, Oil of Ulay
All which contribute to what I have to say

You see my father is the descendant of Jaramogi the great
Let me explain how that added to my fate
You see my people descended from Southern Sudan
The home of the classic depiction of a tall, wide nosed, gigantic black man
I took my fathers genes from my tummy to my grin
all of which i dont mind especially the skin

I remember it all begun in the mid nineties when i noticed my self
Bracing this young lass to unleash the inner essence that resonates within my rib cage
I grew up with plans and dreams tat were sparked by songs of the era such as "you better work" " i wanna be down with you"
and yes i wanted to be down with this man friend

He had to be the single most fine thing that God could suspend
in front of me at a time when i was oh so ready
to cut loose the ropes that tied him away from him
Then , like superman he appeared, without tights for that was in my imagination
he whispered words of friendship in my ear and i took that ball and ran with it
to the basket ball court, a place where i knew i couldn't fit
But for him, i joined the team so that we could have the same spirit

I did those suicides and dribbled and dribbled
and the closer he got i nibbled and nibbled
at my finger tips so that they could suppress the beat of a heart
Ever so willing ,ever so dreaming, ever so dreaming

I remember it, as clear as day, that era of matatus like shoe world boys and richochet
when men wore plaid shirts and women wore waist coats
when bread was fifteen shillings and Aaliyah was the musical antidote
I remember the bell rung for class and he said we needed to talk
I waited in anticiption as his lips parted and what he said
what he said

all i remember from that time so dark
was him whisper something about me being black

what the hell ladies somebody answer me?

I am black? So what ? So black that you cannot see
The depth of the Cindy in me

It was basically over friendship and basket ball
But it got me thinking about the era of Ambi and all
that
fair and lovely crap
That was when my eyes were opened and I got out of my shell
that's when i noticed the magazines with ladies as light as yellow
As fair as my bone marrow
As pointy as our tainted perception of beauty

That is when i noticed that colours contrast not with my shoes but my face
I saw things more in diamonds and hearts not spades and aces
Disgraces
As chics shy from looking at you in the eye because
they are afraid you will notice the reason why
their make up is hard to find and their pictures rejected from the bill boardsfrom the music videos from the pageant awards
they smile with their teeth yet they are wailing inside
Trying to hide the stinging reality that is not on their side
the one that now determines if you will be the head of an office
or the tea lady, the cover girl, the wife, the receptionist ,the novice

I remember when the sky was literally blacked out
When the sun only rose on off shore beaches
when it was cool to pick on the princess for not being too European
In demeanour and colour
In status and posture,
In fashion and Esteem

I am an African woman
that will never change because of the discovery of colonies
And gloss print
I am so black , it hurt to be yellow or white
I am so dark it has to be lovely

And fair

so be fair to yourself and embrace the wholeness of your tender
soft
hydoquinine free
Melanin packed
Loaded with extra strength to stand up and declare
that I am because

my colour is blind

do u feel me?!

2007-11-01T04:49:00.000-07:00

So i have this terrible habit of relying on other people to make me happy, more so my romantic attachments. si you know how love is? You swear to each other that you will never leave each other and you will always be there for each other.
That, coupled with a wide selection or love songs such as" never too busy for you babe"-kenny latimore bla bla
So naturally when am feelin down I turn to my jamaa to lift me up. which he does, most of the time
Today i realised that he is only human. Have someone ever asked you to be there for them when your tired, busy or in a solitude mode?
Well today that happened to me, i kinda like flirting in the middle of the day, I think it spices up your relationship. Thing is my dude doesnt feel it at all..the way i so dont feel that whole kibaki tena stuff
Anyhoo, so here I am flirting away, my eyes wide, with a very silly smug look on my face, the dude is not responding
So what do i do? ( pms induced by the way..) i get pissed and log off
At the back of my head am thinking, sms me and tell me your sorry
After hours of not getting an sms, i mellow and laugh at how silly i am
Flirting gives me joy ( flirting with my guy by the way weeeeeeeee wacha mambo,,,lol)But thats my joy!
Who makes you happy? is it a person? or you. You see by sulking , I stole my own joy, joy that is only mine to give, not anybody else. We , I , live in a world where we are obsessed with reciprocity. As much as its a plus in relationships, when it comes to choice of joy, i beg to differ
I think you should do whatever the hell makes you happy! Call him in the middle of the day and tell him a dirty joke...or that you love the Kenyan. He will appreciate it but if he doesn't do the same, dont sulk, smile coz you made your self happy!
If you wanna hear his voice call and say hi, dont sit back and say" si anipigia simu kubafu yeye" we jibambe niaje?
So ive stopped sulking and all together sending flirtatious smses to my not so flirtatious man friend coz when it counts, he reciprocates and thats all that matters really
ama vipi?

MY FIRST POST

2007-11-01T03:43:00.001-07:00

Hey hey

this is my first post and am sooo excited...why because i have finally discovered why i should blog

Two days ago i was having a very interesting conversation with a friend of mine about blogging. You see, he used to blog at a time when his life had a "locust invasion" you know when everything tastes, smells and feels like a gruel of cement and flagyl!

Well, it helped him get through it coz now that he looks back, he can clearly see the difference from where he is to where he was

I however have to admit that i thought it was filled with alot of self pity and anger . That was until I gave some guy at work my poems to read and he said " aiii they are huruma huruma" read " they make me feel sorry for myself and tempt me to dangerously dance on the ledge of a very tall building chanting God is dead!"

Gosh that crushed me, here I was thinking my poems give people an insight into my world as well as teach people and yet here was this Kenyan telling me ati huruma huruma man, i was pissed!!!

Then I went back to the guys blog andI identified with some anger that he displayed

thats when it hit me: blogging is an avenue to vent and share your vents( you know what i mean) with like minded or not people coz every now and then you need to write it down so that you can pat yourself on the back when you succeeded in either teaching someone somthing or sharing an insight in your life or not shooting someone..lol

Anyhoo so you can tell my blog is about poetry , love and God plus everything in between why? because these three elements form my trinity, my essence and my confusion

so enjoy, comment and i hope you learn something...or not

peace!