Friday 12 September 2014


This piece was originally written in 2012..The picture is my dad walking my son...To all the real men out there I respect you

Friends lover brothers must meet

Which one are you

Which one is me

Friends lover brothers must meet

Which one are you


We met at the coffees shop for a date

Soon after I was two months late

We would chat on facebook and on the phone

But when he hung up I felt all alone

Didn’t know how to tell him I had his child

You know how men get, going all buck wild

Like he is carry the baby 12 months and change

All I can say is afterwards he started acting strange

We were friends with benefits more benefits than friends

And ladies and gentlemen that’s usually how the story ends

Friend’s lover brothers must meet

Which one are you

Which one is me

Friends lover brothers must meet

Which one are you


I met her in campus, we had the same class

I knew from day one that this would last

She cooked for me and washed all my clothes

She was a Christian girl, not like those campus whores

We fooled around a little until it got serious

I wanted her so bad I become delirious

She was wise so she sat me down and said

Let’s consummate our love on our marriage bed

We struggled but we waited and now he’s come

Our beautiful angel is now 3 months and some

We may have a couple more maybe 2 or 3

But I’m blessed to be a father and have a family

A family a family a family

Like John whose 40, single and famous

For getting all the young girls naked in his primus

He has 2 kids 0r 4 by different baby mamas

A son and a daughter raised without fathers

He hit it and ran no friend or lover

They were on night stands or some story or other

He doesn’t provide and he think it’s cool

He escaped being another woman fool

Friends lover brothers must meet

Which one are you

Which one is me

Friends lover brothers must meet

Which one are you


A real father is there for his children regardless

Of how the baby got into this world in the first place

So he slept with your mother anyone can take that space

A real dad is an investor with a little more grace

With a strong back,a good heart, a double edged sword

Teaches you how to read to pass exams

And how to get on that heavenly abode

Teaches you how to play soccer, swim and how to pick your fights

How to be a man a good person, how to live your life right

I therefore dedicate father’s day to those who don’t have one

Maybe he bailed out on you, maybe by death he is gone

We have a father and a friend who sticks closer than a brother

WE have Pastors we have lifegroups but best of all we have each other

So don’t hustle on your own my dear single mother

Don’t be bitter about your past God can give you a hotter brother

Don’t concentrate on what you cant change it is what it is

Just raise your boo boo right and be about your fathers biz

Because you daddy is now their daddy so they are not all alone

Best part is they will thank you when they are all grown

And to all the real fathers’ stands I salute you, stand up

I would toast and salute you if I had a cup

You give single mums like me hope that not all men leave

May God increase and bless all you achieve

May you be a father to others, to mentor and love

Teach the boys to be vigilant the girls that true love is from above

We acknowledgment you and congratulate you every day

Wednesday 23 July 2014


Wow....just listened to some two ladies yap in a Double M unashamedly
The kind of advice being thrown around?

"Leave him" "Don't waste your time" "I can never and will never forgive"

Call me naive or a dreamer but I am a firm believer in making it work. I feel too many good relationships end because of misunderstandings that can be sorted. Sometimes we have to see the ugly in someone to truly love them as they are. As Marianne Williamson said in her book, " A return to Love"...

“Until we have seen someone's darkness, we don't really know who they are. Until we have forgiven someone's darkness, we don't really know what love is.”

I am not excusing the inexcusable and if it is harmful leave. But if it can be fixed, do so. Nothing comes easy in life...sometimes you have to learn, and you have to grow and it has to hurt.

I conclude by quoting T.D JAKES in his sermon," Reality Check"

"That's what you get for taking advice on a man from a woman..."

I am also weary of taking relationship advice from women who have not walked a mile in my shoes or who married their high school sweet heart at 21 LOL

‪#‎Mytwocents‬ ‪#‎CindySpeaks‬ ‪#‎Istillbelieveinlove‬ ‪#‎Makeitwork‬

Saturday 19 July 2014


We've all read Njoki's blog post, if not, find it here ====>

Now here is my two cents...


If you cannot have a descent weekend without calling or texting him or getting called and texted,you have made him your world and he will feel suffocated. You were an individual before you met your mate. The fact that he is warming your bed at night and filling you phone inbox does not mean you surrender your life,hobbies, aspirations and dreams to him. Men like to chase,keep the chase going. Do your own thing! Be is an element that makes money's scarcity. If you are always at his place every weekend, washing his duvet and he hasn't met your folks...mtazoena and he will/might cheat

At the end of the day, the only person you can count on 100 percent of the time is yourself. Do not make the unfortunate mistake I made with my exes and place your entire happiness in the hands of another flawed human being. A relationship is not going to fulfill the void if you can’t even make yourself happy. You need to achieve happiness on your own before you can find someone else to share it with. This creates a detrimental dependency that will prevent you from becoming self-sufficient.


Njoki was trying to make a point but we all caught a feeling.I dress a certain way, so I attract a certain kind of folks...definitely not the kind that make it rain at Millionaires club. Why? That's my's what I know and love. If you attracted a "shine eyed boy" with your tu-tight up skirts and cleavage and kitenge dresses, he will expect you to maintain it forever,three kids and stretchmarks not withstanding. Granted, genetics play a part..but so does the gym and if that doesn't work..there are plenty of plus size funky outfits that make you look sexy. If that still doesn't work..he will cheat on you because you married or are dating a shallow bastard!


Let it go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Wacha kununa. There's no guy who likes bembelezaring you beyond the point where he will/will not get laid. Let it go.If he said he is sorry , hold him accountable but don't give him the silent treatment. Men prefer women who are easy to be around.I'm not saying stand his crap. Don't! Let him know where you draw the line. After he has drawn it with that ka foam the referees used during the world cup... Let it go, wear your tight-up skirt and show him what a bad boy he is. Like seriously, are you 12? stop sulking let your toi do that!


You found him smoking right? What makes you think forcing him to do Mizizi will change that? I have been the biggest culprit in terms of changing a man. I've dated guys with weird idiosyncrasies like ridiculous porn collections ( KEDO A TERRABYTE! HEHEHEHE) or with daddy/mummy issues. What do I do? The wonder woman effect. I try to "love them" into changing for me , using words like "us" but it's "me" It's a selfish thing and love has nothing to do with it!

If you want a Christian man don't try to change the office bad boy then emotionally black mail him. Tick the "Terms and conditions apply" box during your first kiss/romp and ACCEPT AND MOVE ON!

I read somewhere that happy people tend to have extremely high levels of self-esteem. They accept who they are and work it everyday of their lives. They radiate confidence, flaunt their pride and give off positive vibes. There is no reason to be insecure in life. If there are things you are self-conscious about, go out into the world and seek to change them. Only you have the ability to create the best version of yourself.


Fool me once! Shame on me..fool me twice? Woman, he fooled around twice???? and you took him back? You deserve what you get.Why I give the exception to once is because every one has a weak moment and I know many maaaaaaaaaaany relationships that have blossomed after an affair. With hard work, prayer and determination, anything can be solved. It takes all kinds me thinks and there are men who learn their lesson but if he does it again, LET THAT KENYAN GO!!!


There are men who have a "wandering spirit" wanapenda tu kutiana. It could be something they learnt from their parents, how they were raised, a sex addict, a daddy/mummy issues guy...whatever it is, there are men who will always cheat. They will settle because they are tired. The same way there are bonafide assholes and thieves who just don't learn or change..there are men who just can't keep their zip closed.How can you tell? How many baby mamas does he have again?

Finally ladies, know yourselves. I have been cheated on enough times to know, sometimes....IT IS MY FAULT.I didn't love myself enough to choose a good guy or wait for God's timing or appreciate the good thing I had UNTIL IT WAS TOO LATE.

Managing your expectations is the key to happiness. If you let go of expectations, you will never be disappointed. Often, we tend to believe that the way we treat others will be the way we are treated in return. Unfortunately, this does not always happen. Do not expect a certain result from any given situations. Go into an experience with an open mind. This will allow you to fully immerse yourself, without the pressure of living up to preconceived notions.

Every relationship has a story..but yes he will cheat if you nag, you are insecure, you made him your universe and because you keep LETTING HIM CHEAT


Additional material==>

Wednesday 16 July 2014

Once again I find my self in the receiving end of this constant roller coaster of amour Granted my choices have been wanting but my intentions during the formative stages warrant a better ending than this constant drilling of my a wound still smarting from my last desertion A pain that ebbs an emotion so terrible that it shakes the very foundation of my soul and pushes me to the boundaries of insanity I am undone, so much so that I want to run up 50 flights of stairs to the tallest building I can find and just when I am almost out of breath, I want to use whatever whisper I have in me to bellow out a harrowing cry, a silent echo of the deep emptiness I now feel My life has become unpalatable and my belief systems shaken. So jaded am I that the thin line between self love and pity has been crossed, intermarriages happened and begot an offspring of hopelessness Cold pockets in my bed constantly remind me of my destitution, my constant curse in loving men who, when push comes to shove, choose to run to the furthest corner of their universe than to make it work at the nearest grocery store with me How revolting am I…How absurd is my constant belief in a mate that the reciprocation is wanting Or perhaps the problem is me, thinking of myself too highly when indeed I am the dread that haunts gentlemen at their finest hour Will I ever sleep Will I ever slumber Will I ever truly awake Will I ever STOP having a heart ache!

Tuesday 10 July 2012

My Inside Story,in two seconds

Have you ever had that feeling when you thought you were over something or well on your way to getting over it then suddenly, without warning, something happens to pull you back into that darkness you swore never to go back to. That happened to me today, it took all of 2 seconds, 2 seconds that are as much a blur as the 2 seconds after my son was born. All it took was a fraction of a minute to set me back months, many minutes in those months when I fought every hook and cranny in my brain that tried to tell me that I couldn’t make it, I couldn’t get over it that I, will never be whole again. So there I was sited in this cold auditorium, using free wireless and drinking free coffee and yet not feeling very freed at all. On the contrary, I felt that all familiar tire of having thought a lot. A part of me wanted to just sit there and do nothing, and then the other part was forced into action. You see, I was part of many “free” Kenyans who had come all the way to Westlands to view free stuff hoping to get free contacts that can further their discounted life. It was 1 p.m and the movie was about to begin, the hall was filling up, annoyingly, with young irritant little students who were discussing the film industry with so much savvy, I thought I was in bloody Hollywood! Am I hating? Off course, my brief encounter placed me in the mood of righteous indignation. I am now the “otero” of this story so if you don’t like, call Jack Bauer, tell him to kiss my black numb ass. I digress, where was I? yes I was jolted back into God. He just loooooves giving His lil kids a reality check, bless Him too because we, self righteous depressants, like mellowing in our own pool of self pity. We like feeling that the circumstances in life are very different for us, somewhat unfair. That if we had just met the right person, was born in to the right family, got into the right matatu and made it to the venue earlier, we would avoid our little 2 second encounters, we would be peachy...we would be fine. And in our day to day auditoriums, whatever yours is, say your office, your room, the loo (I think a lot in the toilet true story) in our little cocoons of self pity, we allow ourselves to be the infamous victims of circumstances, we see a bunch of leaves, we don’t see the forest from the trees. So God by his wisdom and grace, through this movie that had a great overcoming story, God allowed me get over myself. It’s not that simple, I wish it were lol. The aftermath of my 2second encounter led me to send a text in 10 seconds, the replies took 2 minutes and in a record 3 minutes 45 seconds I managed to significantly give away my joy to people who don’t give me a second thought when they clean their own asses. Did I beat myself up? You betcha! I wanted to do what is femininely familiar and call my girlfriend to rant over overpriced coffee and maybe a cookie but instead I did what most tech savvy attention seekers do, I wrote a blog post  Listen boo boo we are not perfect; we are here to be perfected. The getting over process is slow and precarious and because it’s life, you don’t know what it will throw your way. Just when you thought you were over a loved ones death, a familiar song plays and your stomach turns grey, just when you thought you have all the esteem in the world, the man you have a huge crush on sashays by with a chic who looks photo shopped and tummy tucked! With real leather boots for sprinkles! Just when you thought you were over the scum bag that made you shave your hair, pierce your lips and get a phoenix tattoo, you meet the chic he left you for, and the 2 seconds lasts forever. But that’s life, uniquely unpredictable and unforgiving vitriol. What there is also is life within life, that is God and His word that says, His plans are to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a hope and a future. That same God watched as Joseph’s brother sold him as a slave to the Egyptians then faked his death. To add drama to the scene, his only chance of breaking his virginity was to his boss’s wife!! I mean give the guy a break! But he made it, through the 2 seconds , through the 7 years of feminine, he made it, got the big fat paying gava job and I’m sure, was getting laid like madddd, with chicks who had huge tits and were half his age ( every civil servants dream)  So I cried through the mushy bits of the movie, secretly secreting my own pain through it. When it was done, I peed (I’m going somewhere with this) I walked over to a restaurant, had a hot cuppa brew and used their free wireless to tell this story. Do I feel better? Yes! Do you? I sincerely hope you do...If you don’t, well, I hope you still have Jack Bauer on speed dial coz my black ass is warm and ready to face the next 2 seconds, come what may. Here’s a link to the movie that was screened as part of the AITEC Conference 2012. I personally found the whole AIDS theme tacky I mean can’t we have an African story without poverty or disease? Anyhoo, have a look and make your own critic

Sunday 29 April 2012

Greetings and Salutations!
A week after #manology comes the story of a week long relationship. I won't get into the details of it and why it ended ( that's an entirely different blog post) I will however share some insights from my week long "interesting" experience. Firstly,it is hard to date in this rainy weather,you will either bond in a coffee house until they force you out or you will date in traffic. Traffic is fine because you get to cuddle in a stationery position sort like in the cinemas. However, the stuffiness of a matatu, exhaust fumes and the temperament of Kenyan drivers creates an atmosphere charged with vitriol emotions. This, my dears, is NOT the best place to ask that deep question or to bring up a topic that is otherwise uncomfortable ( note to self) I'm sorry my mind is all over the place with this one so I'm gonna go straight into it and say,"Ladies, if a man wants to leave,let him go!" There is power is allowing something to leave your life with the same gusto it came in. I am the queen of "Let's stick it out"land. Truth me that island is colonised by thoughts of insecurity and the constant need to be asserted.I am going to expose my left ventricle and say that I have a constant need to be affirmed, especially in a relationship. I need the man to constantly mush me up with words of affirmation like,"I wanna be with you" , "I'm not gonna leave you" , " I want to spend each and every waking breath with you even if your stories are repetitive,I will make it work." Truth is,this manfriend had a life and a "story" going on way before you came and flaunted your good heart,charm and apple bottom his way. These stories don't change,you simply become the new chapter in his book not a book mark. If he had female friends,he will continue to have them, and will still keep the photo of his ex on his phone because guess what,that's how men are. Unless he is convinced that this chapter in his life needs to become a thesis,he will read you with the same interest he will others. I learnt this the hard way and it cost me,what could have been,"The One." However! The "One" won't leave you and here is why. We are constantly looking for a partner who has these qualities that we feel, are adaptable to our story. A new addition,I have come to learn is,if he really wants in, nothing will make him leave,he will take you in warts and all. Warts and all means that you have a bad side right? You nag, breath heavily on the phone, have small tits, fart in public..whatever.When a man wants in,he takes all that bull with the same stride he takes in your kisses and hugs for the simple fact that it doesn't phase him from his goal, to have you. So many reasons cause men to leave. From my experience,it could be he is not mentally prepared to be in a relationship or sadly,he's just not that into you. All my Christian friends forgive me for using coarse language but,the bottom line, a relationship is a constant shoveling of shit from one date to another. Don't get me wrong, the lovey doveys are a must. But that doesn't last long.Even your new shinny job takes its toll after you have done the same thing over and over again. What makes it sweet is the pursuit of passion. The realization that regardless of this persons flaws,they make your life happy and that means more to you than their temper tantrums,their drunk texts and their random killer farts.
Finding someone who loves you "warts and all" is hard. Here's where God comes in,the maker of all warts. He knows what your weaknesses are and aligns you with someone who will take them and vice versa. I honestly believe in divine pairing because face it, left to your own devices,you'd give your self to the player next door and convince yourself that if you loved him hard enough, he will change. Well here's the sad reality,men NEVER change. They become more ingrained in their idiosyncracies the older they become.The only way a man can change is if he is passionate about you and it's that kind of passion that causes him to compromise his warts for yours. He will control his temper around you, he will wait for you in the pouring rain as opposed to throwing deuces, which he normally does. He will pick your phone call even when you have been drunk dialing him about that chic he keeps texting when you are together. Why I speak so passionately about warts and all from a man's perspective is because as women, we are more malleable than men. We can take in a lot of things, that is why we are mothers and care givers. Men on the other hand are innately selfish and always look out for number one.Let me give you vibe, a friend of mine told me how over the weekend, his male friend had an argument with the chic and the dude told her to bounce...please not this was after the chic has cooked him dinner...and she left! And guess what, she will be back. A man can tell you to get the stepping more scathingly than a woman can and that is why,in a relationship,the man has to be the passion giver and bearer. How many stories or experiences have you had of exes who move on at a heartbeat and got married in 6! And does it annoy you how men text you with a hint of aloofness after a breakup ( even if it was agreeable)! Point? If he left you, he wasn't meant to stay so don't force it,let it go. If God gave you one, He will give you another. Also be careful about a man who is quick to leave you for your flaws. We all have them and that is what makes us spicy. As annoying as they are, he also has to realise, you had a story going on before he came so he should also "chapterise" himself and not make you a book mark. As much as selfishness runs true,compromise is important. You can't always dismiss what doesn't make you happy. Gold is not mined pure, nor are babies born whole. You invest and stick it out,warts and all. Makes sense? If he cares about you and genuinely wants to be with you, he will take you as you are, warts and all! And ladies if you find him, make it count..don't take it for granted, your warts,if unreasonable, can also cause him to throw deuces, tell you to get the steppin, after you have not only cooked but hatched a baby who annoyingly looks like him!!
:) Love and Light

Sunday 22 April 2012


It is probably in season that my first blog post in a while comes with the new Google plus settings. I sorta feel the same sense of violation I felt when facebook added the new Timeline ( which I have totally refused to switch to by the way) Call me a creature of habit :) So I didn't blog about my heart being ripped out of my chest to make samosa fillings...because it was too grotesque a period. Neither did I blog about the many milestones my son gives me day by day ( like washing the table with yogurt and licking my roll-on...boys) However, I need to blog about something that has been bugging me for the last couple of months and if this post begins to sound like a,"letter to the editor" bear with me, my soul is heavy *cue Nneka* In February 2012 I organised singles night at my church,Mavuno Mashariki. I did so because I was tired of good women missing out on good men because the latter cannot read signs! Kenyan men ( sorry for the stereotype) just don't get hints fast enough especially from a sassy lass who is wanton for his goodies! Men tend to find brazen women too straight forward and with the every guy catching the "friends with benefits" or "chips funga" flu, it's kinda hard for a good old fashioned girl to get some Vitamin C. That said,I am dating again and boy oh boy isn't it weird! From the crushes to the awkwardness to the stupid stunts (like telling the Java manager he is hotter than their home fries) *cringe at the memory* It's one big roller coaster that I think I have forgotten how to ride. I have, however, learnt A LOT from the sermon series at church #finderskeepers and the from the consequent singles night in Nairobi needs DIVINE INTERVENTION. Every guy I have met post breakup wants to bed me! I don't blame em ( this descendant of Ramogi throws it down and then some)*dusting shoulders* but that is not what I want! I am at that stage and age when cheap thrills are for I-max cinemas,I am a grown woman with grown woman needs and guess what,I now come with a plus one, my bundle of joy,King Arthur,my son. So getting into the dating scene I am very cautious of what men say and do. You see when a man wants you he will say ANYTHING and lemme tell you I am a sucker for words. Say it right,sprinkle it with hot sauce and a serve it up with a big spoon? I'm your customer, with a freaking smart card! My grace however is that being in two long term relationships,I am beginning to discern the difference between what a man says and what he means. My campus roommate used to tell me,"Cindy,just because a man wants to buy you chocolate doesn't mean he likes you.If a man likes you, you will know it and everyone will know it too,including the neighbour's dog!" Now correct me if I'm wrong but men tend to be emotionally exclusive creatures.If a man,say,likes football, you will know it from his twitter handle (@lovemanunitedfan) to the many white and red jerseys in his closet and off course, his weekend plans. The same with if a man is a smart businessman. From the way he dresses to whom he hangs out with, his website,it resonates from that one part of his brain that fuels hisr passion. The same thing happens when a man is into a chic. He will pursue her relentlessly. Don't get me wrong I'm not talking about stalking, but if a man is about your business ( whether to get into your pants or into your heart) you will know it and his lingo will show it. I believe that in the case of "Man wants into your pants" words like,"sexy, hot, turn on," are used often because you see, he is selling sex so you as the buyer need to know what currency you're going to be exchanging. Goods ones sold are not replaceable remember. The same happens when a man is after your heart. He will be about your business, how your day was, what are your interests? Where do you hang out? How is your baby? The man will even notice how your eyes become like tiny chinks when you laugh out loud. I recently got a mix of both that confused me and excited me at the same time. Here is this suitor who seeks after me with a hint of lust just enough to give me a "buzz" ( I'm a Christian woman but every girl needs a lil buzz can I get a high five!!! no? moving on!).A few weeks into our back and forth, all was well, I was called all sort of names, from "Baby, honey, future wife, sugar" and then for some reason, the communication and the "buzz" went south. The suitor cited legal issues that he was undergoing and the never ending need to make that paper as he is a young entrepreneur. Granted, who am I to get in the way of the law or the making of money. *cue Octopizzo "Make that Mula buy that Ndula* But here's the thing,when the tables turned and it became about me chasing him, the hand of power changed. Owing to the singular mind I have explained earlier,I have come to realise that unless the man does the chasing and hence remains with the "hand of power", the later results are in vain! It is foolish to try and compete with a man's ego or passion. He wants what he wants and no amount of rump shaking will ever change that. So if a man wants you, he will make it his passion. He will make time for you, he move mountains and guess what, he will not MAKE EXCUSES. The hand of power is what makes a man the head of the house, it is what makes a man a leader, it is what makes a man A MAN! This morning, I read a tweet by @revrunwisdom,"Ladies:: Here's a clue..When a man really wants to be with someone NO excuses will be made..Time will be made! #MANOLOGY" How painfully true and in my situation, a red flag that I have since read and halted at the crossroads. I have to be hunted meaning you have to make time for me and not give me excuses. A building is just as strong as its foundation and if I don't stand up for what I deserve now then then it will be weeks and months of compromise ( been there done that) Ladies, it is ok to have your own set of rules that guide YOU in a relationship. According to #finderskeepers they are called DEAL BREAKERS. For me, a deal breaker is when I stop becoming the hunted and become a hunter. Granted, every relationship needs a healthy dose of give and take however reciprocity is very important for continual co-existence and since men are men, it is super important that they have AND MAINTAIN the passion of pursuit. I don't know about you but it sucks to wait all day for a text that is half baked and covered with stale icing. It sucks when you are the one on the phone asking when the next date is gonna be and it sucks monkey balls to play that ,"I wonder if I should say hi,will I seem to eager?" game when you see the suitors chat window pop green for go. I think there's freedom in true pursuit, freedom to know that your bold step of love will be met by an even bolder step of mutual affirmation. That we are in this together and you are into me as much as I am into you and here's evidence,let's have lunch next week. If you are constantly panicking about whether your into itmore than he is, chances are, it's true! Here's another gem from @revrunwisdom "Ladies:: when a man is ready to committ it'll be VERY easy to tell...If u start sense he's playin u.. HE IS #MANOLOGY" So I'm just gonna skip this one out and wait for God to send me a real man who know a real woman's worth *cue Alicia Keys* and if you are single and willing to mingle,let's met at the next Singles night at Mavuno Mashariki in June 2012. Remember #finderskeepers #loosersweepers *search for #finderskeepers on twitter for more edification on how to find and keep the one Love and Light :)