Tuesday, 10 July 2012
Have you ever had that feeling when you thought you were over something or well on your way to getting over it then suddenly, without warning, something happens to pull you back into that darkness you swore never to go back to. That happened to me today, it took all of 2 seconds, 2 seconds that are as much a blur as the 2 seconds after my son was born. All it took was a fraction of a minute to set me back months, many minutes in those months when I fought every hook and cranny in my brain that tried to tell me that I couldn’t make it, I couldn’t get over it that I, will never be whole again. So there I was sited in this cold auditorium, using free wireless and drinking free coffee and yet not feeling very freed at all. On the contrary, I felt that all familiar tire of having thought a lot. A part of me wanted to just sit there and do nothing, and then the other part was forced into action. You see, I was part of many “free” Kenyans who had come all the way to Westlands to view free stuff hoping to get free contacts that can further their discounted life. It was 1 p.m and the movie was about to begin, the hall was filling up, annoyingly, with young irritant little students who were discussing the film industry with so much savvy, I thought I was in bloody Hollywood! Am I hating? Off course, my brief encounter placed me in the mood of righteous indignation. I am now the “otero” of this story so if you don’t like, call Jack Bauer, tell him to kiss my black numb ass. I digress, where was I? yes I was jolted back into life...by God. He just loooooves giving His lil kids a reality check, bless Him too because we, self righteous depressants, like mellowing in our own pool of self pity. We like feeling that the circumstances in life are very different for us, somewhat unfair. That if we had just met the right person, was born in to the right family, got into the right matatu and made it to the venue earlier, we would avoid our little 2 second encounters, we would be peachy...we would be fine. And in our day to day auditoriums, whatever yours is, say your office, your room, the loo (I think a lot in the toilet true story) in our little cocoons of self pity, we allow ourselves to be the infamous victims of circumstances, we see a bunch of leaves, we don’t see the forest from the trees. So God by his wisdom and grace, through this movie that had a great overcoming story, God allowed me get over myself. It’s not that simple, I wish it were lol. The aftermath of my 2second encounter led me to send a text in 10 seconds, the replies took 2 minutes and in a record 3 minutes 45 seconds I managed to significantly give away my joy to people who don’t give me a second thought when they clean their own asses. Did I beat myself up? You betcha! I wanted to do what is femininely familiar and call my girlfriend to rant over overpriced coffee and maybe a cookie but instead I did what most tech savvy attention seekers do, I wrote a blog post Listen boo boo we are not perfect; we are here to be perfected. The getting over process is slow and precarious and because it’s life, you don’t know what it will throw your way. Just when you thought you were over a loved ones death, a familiar song plays and your stomach turns grey, just when you thought you have all the esteem in the world, the man you have a huge crush on sashays by with a chic who looks photo shopped and tummy tucked! With real leather boots for sprinkles! Just when you thought you were over the scum bag that made you shave your hair, pierce your lips and get a phoenix tattoo, you meet the chic he left you for, and the 2 seconds lasts forever. But that’s life, uniquely unpredictable and unforgiving vitriol. What there is also is life within life, that is God and His word that says, His plans are to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a hope and a future. That same God watched as Joseph’s brother sold him as a slave to the Egyptians then faked his death. To add drama to the scene, his only chance of breaking his virginity was to his boss’s wife!! I mean give the guy a break! But he made it, through the 2 seconds , through the 7 years of feminine, he made it, got the big fat paying gava job and I’m sure, was getting laid like madddd, with chicks who had huge tits and were half his age ( every civil servants dream) So I cried through the mushy bits of the movie, secretly secreting my own pain through it. When it was done, I peed (I’m going somewhere with this) I walked over to a restaurant, had a hot cuppa brew and used their free wireless to tell this story. Do I feel better? Yes! Do you? I sincerely hope you do...If you don’t, well, I hope you still have Jack Bauer on speed dial coz my black ass is warm and ready to face the next 2 seconds, come what may. Here’s a link to the movie that was screened as part of the AITEC Conference 2012. I personally found the whole AIDS theme tacky I mean can’t we have an African story without poverty or disease? Anyhoo, have a look and make your own critic http://www.insidestorythemovie.org/
Sunday, 29 April 2012
Greetings and Salutations!
Sunday, 22 April 2012
Wednesday, 4 January 2012
1. Drink plenty of water
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants, and eat less food that is manufactured in plants
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy
5. Make time for prayer
6. Play more games
7. Read more books than you did in 2011
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day
9. Sleep for 7 hours
10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk every day ---- and while you walk, smile
11. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment
13.. Don't over do ; keep your limits
14. Don't take yourself so seriously ; no one else does
15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip
16.. Dream more while you are awake
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need..
18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more
24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
25. Call your family often
26. Each day give something good to others
27. Forgive everyone for everything
28. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day
30. What other people think of you is none of your business
31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick... Your family and friends will. Stay in touch.
32. Do the right things
33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful
34. GOD heals everything
35.. However good or bad a situation is, it will change
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up
37. The best is yet to come
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.
I was very good at broken telephone in primary school.
The mean girl with the shrub who always rushed through the "secret" word had nothing on me because I could decipher her words. I am still good at it 15 years later..OK 20 but whose counting :)
I am very good at hearing what people don't say.In campus I attended all psychology electives that dealt with interpersonal behaviour and non verbal communication. Why? Because for the longest I felt, and still feel, that people don't understand me (sometimes). Is it me? Is it them? Am I from Venus and the whole freaking globe is from Mars? Whatever the reason is, I am good at communicating..in my own way.
Trouble is, I keep encountering people as close as my most excellent bed mate, who aren't.
How do we learn how to communicate then?
From our parents? from our house helps? I fired my son's nanny this morning because, among other misdemeanours, she has taught my niece to say,"weee" "mjinga" and "angalia huyu" As a result, my cute 2 year old niece communicates through abuse. My son, by beating her up and all of us by yelling.
Why do we expect others to read our minds and know the entire picture – the one that is in your mind – without showing it to them? Just because one person has the picture in their minds eye, doesn’t mean that anyone else sees it. As a matter of fact, you are the only one in the entire world (or Universe) that sees that picture!
The world’s history is riddled with cultural and religious clashes, with millions of senseless loss of life over one thing: Lack Of Communication Skills. You could also call it: Refusal To Appreciate Other People’s Views. In 2011 I lost a lot of friends and businesses because of lack of communication skills on both my part and that of the communicatees <--- Just coined this word if you use it MPESA!
Here are a few rules about communication that I have learnt to avoid BROKEN TELEPHONE:
1. Never communicate via social media
When Mark Zuckerberg started face book (then called The Facebook) he wanted guys in Harvard to get to know each other better. Noble cause. Fast forward 8 years later, guys now cheat, hire, fire, make up and yes breakup through facebook, twitter, gmail chat, skype, meebo, snap even Linkedin! I laugh that the new way to show enmity is by "removing" someone from facebook, blocking them, unfollowing them on twitter and such. Gone were the days when you just avoided meeting them in town! The world has really become a global village.
Social media is the perfect example of "Broken Telephone."
When someone posts something on Facebook, you will automatically think that they are targeting you as an individual. I have a friend on fb called Eddie Mbugua who is constantly getting into a "comments" argument with his wad of female friends about some of the chauvinistic statuses he posts. Why? There's the me me factor.
It's not always about you!
Point is, if you have guts enough to put it on face book and twitter, have the same gusto to pick the phone and call and yes NEVER text! The tone in texts is worse than on chat and twice the charge!
Did you know you text and chat according to your state of mind? The optimism spewed when you have just gotten paid or laid is very different from the one you have on Sunday morning or after a great loss. If someone taunts you in the afternoon, you work in Industrial area, have a had a crappy lunch or a boring work load, you will subconsciously off load all that stress on the text.
Face to face is always best. Don't break up on the phone, tell then face to face. Don't solve emotional conflict via social media, face to face is always best.
You see,you can see the pain written all over someones face when they explain how that text really hurt them. you can also touch them which, scientist have proven, is indeed a language of love.
Leave social media to occupy wall street, the Egyptians, Major General ChirChir and free advertising, don't fight on facebook and please, don't whine on twitter, I don't know why, especially on that forum, you come across like the hugest looser south of Qaddafi's grave!
2. Tell the person, not their mother, best friend or boss
"I can't stand that person." How many times have you pseudo confided/ runt and raved to a stranger, work mate, friend or even a relative.
This is where broken telephone earns it's degree. The worst kind of information is second hand. Personally, I have been so hurt by what I heard than what was told to my face. There's some malice that comes from 2nd hand information. Depending on whose giving it, it can either be laden with crap, royco and venom. It's my 2012 resolution not to talk about people because guess what, people will talk about me too and in the worst ways.
In 2011 a good friend of mine cornered me about some juicy piece of trash I was hauling around about her. What I liked was HOW she told me. 3 months later when more important things had happened in her life. She called me out with respect and I took it, how could I not? I also learnt that if I give it, I've got to take it. I have been trash talked so much in 2011 it's a wonder I don't wear garbage bags.
So now I tell people, with respect. Steppin' to guys is really a ghetto thing to do. We all fall, we are all imperfect, this whole issue of calling someone out like they owe you rent is really juvenile and the result of having a bad nanny ( re-affirming my decision to fire the bitch) It is also very juvey to brood. As a noun, brood means a bunch of chickens, as an adjective, it means acting like a child. Children mope because their communication skills are not fully developed. Adults brood because their communication skills are not fully developed. Difference, are you a child? no? GROW UP!
3. Never burn your bridges, it is never that serious
Unless it is an abusive, adulterous, hurtful ex, never use the word never.
"I will never talk to this person again." Life is full of elements that bring us together in ways that only the Almighty knows. I never liked my cousin, he was a bit of an asshole and he beat his wife. When he died tragically in a road accident, it didn't matter, we were all equal. That's the point really, we are all equal. The only place where some are more equal than others is in the "Animal farm" and in Parliament.
If my flaw is financial management, maybe yours is verbal diarrhea and the other guy rapes people! We are all equal, no one is more perfect than the other especially when communicating with someone you love.
If you pose your point of view as more superior than the other person's then your going no where really. It can't always be your way and even though you are set in them, the world isn't yours, there are people with a different set of ideals. Agree to disagree, don't rubbish them as a lost cause.
I am straight but don't hate on homosexuals. I am a Christian, I don't hate on Muslims. That's just me. Opinions differ but we are one. Agree to disagree don't write off all Somalis as Al Shabaab for example.
If someone writes you off, hung up the phone and step on" Bishop T.D Jakes
Which brings me to my final point
4. Let it go
Sometimes, no amount of talking is going to solve it. If you have followed all the steps of communicating which are:
AIMING> What and why do you want to communicate
ENCODING> What language should I use, what does the "user" already know
TRANSMITTING> Is it the right time and what is the point
RECEIVING> Remember that whatever you read or are told, people think 3 times faster than they speak
DECODING> Did the sender get the message?
RESPONDING> This could also mean, not saying anything at all or blogging about it
Page 5 of 366 done!
Love and Light to you and yours...always