Tuesday, 10 July 2012

My Inside Story,in two seconds

Have you ever had that feeling when you thought you were over something or well on your way to getting over it then suddenly, without warning, something happens to pull you back into that darkness you swore never to go back to. That happened to me today, it took all of 2 seconds, 2 seconds that are as much a blur as the 2 seconds after my son was born. All it took was a fraction of a minute to set me back months, many minutes in those months when I fought every hook and cranny in my brain that tried to tell me that I couldn’t make it, I couldn’t get over it that I, will never be whole again. So there I was sited in this cold auditorium, using free wireless and drinking free coffee and yet not feeling very freed at all. On the contrary, I felt that all familiar tire of having thought a lot. A part of me wanted to just sit there and do nothing, and then the other part was forced into action. You see, I was part of many “free” Kenyans who had come all the way to Westlands to view free stuff hoping to get free contacts that can further their discounted life. It was 1 p.m and the movie was about to begin, the hall was filling up, annoyingly, with young irritant little students who were discussing the film industry with so much savvy, I thought I was in bloody Hollywood! Am I hating? Off course, my brief encounter placed me in the mood of righteous indignation. I am now the “otero” of this story so if you don’t like, call Jack Bauer, tell him to kiss my black numb ass. I digress, where was I? yes I was jolted back into life...by God. He just loooooves giving His lil kids a reality check, bless Him too because we, self righteous depressants, like mellowing in our own pool of self pity. We like feeling that the circumstances in life are very different for us, somewhat unfair. That if we had just met the right person, was born in to the right family, got into the right matatu and made it to the venue earlier, we would avoid our little 2 second encounters, we would be peachy...we would be fine. And in our day to day auditoriums, whatever yours is, say your office, your room, the loo (I think a lot in the toilet true story) in our little cocoons of self pity, we allow ourselves to be the infamous victims of circumstances, we see a bunch of leaves, we don’t see the forest from the trees. So God by his wisdom and grace, through this movie that had a great overcoming story, God allowed me get over myself. It’s not that simple, I wish it were lol. The aftermath of my 2second encounter led me to send a text in 10 seconds, the replies took 2 minutes and in a record 3 minutes 45 seconds I managed to significantly give away my joy to people who don’t give me a second thought when they clean their own asses. Did I beat myself up? You betcha! I wanted to do what is femininely familiar and call my girlfriend to rant over overpriced coffee and maybe a cookie but instead I did what most tech savvy attention seekers do, I wrote a blog post  Listen boo boo we are not perfect; we are here to be perfected. The getting over process is slow and precarious and because it’s life, you don’t know what it will throw your way. Just when you thought you were over a loved ones death, a familiar song plays and your stomach turns grey, just when you thought you have all the esteem in the world, the man you have a huge crush on sashays by with a chic who looks photo shopped and tummy tucked! With real leather boots for sprinkles! Just when you thought you were over the scum bag that made you shave your hair, pierce your lips and get a phoenix tattoo, you meet the chic he left you for, and the 2 seconds lasts forever. But that’s life, uniquely unpredictable and unforgiving vitriol. What there is also is life within life, that is God and His word that says, His plans are to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a hope and a future. That same God watched as Joseph’s brother sold him as a slave to the Egyptians then faked his death. To add drama to the scene, his only chance of breaking his virginity was to his boss’s wife!! I mean give the guy a break! But he made it, through the 2 seconds , through the 7 years of feminine, he made it, got the big fat paying gava job and I’m sure, was getting laid like madddd, with chicks who had huge tits and were half his age ( every civil servants dream)  So I cried through the mushy bits of the movie, secretly secreting my own pain through it. When it was done, I peed (I’m going somewhere with this) I walked over to a restaurant, had a hot cuppa brew and used their free wireless to tell this story. Do I feel better? Yes! Do you? I sincerely hope you do...If you don’t, well, I hope you still have Jack Bauer on speed dial coz my black ass is warm and ready to face the next 2 seconds, come what may. Here’s a link to the movie that was screened as part of the AITEC Conference 2012. I personally found the whole AIDS theme tacky I mean can’t we have an African story without poverty or disease? Anyhoo, have a look and make your own critic http://www.insidestorythemovie.org/

Sunday, 29 April 2012

Greetings and Salutations!
A week after #manology comes the story of a week long relationship. I won't get into the details of it and why it ended ( that's an entirely different blog post) I will however share some insights from my week long "interesting" experience. Firstly,it is hard to date in this rainy weather,you will either bond in a coffee house until they force you out or you will date in traffic. Traffic is fine because you get to cuddle in a stationery position sort like in the cinemas. However, the stuffiness of a matatu, exhaust fumes and the temperament of Kenyan drivers creates an atmosphere charged with vitriol emotions. This, my dears, is NOT the best place to ask that deep question or to bring up a topic that is otherwise uncomfortable ( note to self) I'm sorry my mind is all over the place with this one so I'm gonna go straight into it and say,"Ladies, if a man wants to leave,let him go!" There is power is allowing something to leave your life with the same gusto it came in. I am the queen of "Let's stick it out"land. Truth me that island is colonised by thoughts of insecurity and the constant need to be asserted.I am going to expose my left ventricle and say that I have a constant need to be affirmed, especially in a relationship. I need the man to constantly mush me up with words of affirmation like,"I wanna be with you" , "I'm not gonna leave you" , " I want to spend each and every waking breath with you even if your stories are repetitive,I will make it work." Truth is,this manfriend had a life and a "story" going on way before you came and flaunted your good heart,charm and apple bottom his way. These stories don't change,you simply become the new chapter in his book not a book mark. If he had female friends,he will continue to have them, and will still keep the photo of his ex on his phone because guess what,that's how men are. Unless he is convinced that this chapter in his life needs to become a thesis,he will read you with the same interest he will others. I learnt this the hard way and it cost me,what could have been,"The One." However! The "One" won't leave you and here is why. We are constantly looking for a partner who has these qualities that we feel, are adaptable to our story. A new addition,I have come to learn is,if he really wants in, nothing will make him leave,he will take you in warts and all. Warts and all means that you have a bad side right? You nag, breath heavily on the phone, have small tits, fart in public..whatever.When a man wants in,he takes all that bull with the same stride he takes in your kisses and hugs for the simple fact that it doesn't phase him from his goal, to have you. So many reasons cause men to leave. From my experience,it could be he is not mentally prepared to be in a relationship or sadly,he's just not that into you. All my Christian friends forgive me for using coarse language but,the bottom line, a relationship is a constant shoveling of shit from one date to another. Don't get me wrong, the lovey doveys are a must. But that doesn't last long.Even your new shinny job takes its toll after you have done the same thing over and over again. What makes it sweet is the pursuit of passion. The realization that regardless of this persons flaws,they make your life happy and that means more to you than their temper tantrums,their drunk texts and their random killer farts.
Finding someone who loves you "warts and all" is hard. Here's where God comes in,the maker of all warts. He knows what your weaknesses are and aligns you with someone who will take them and vice versa. I honestly believe in divine pairing because face it, left to your own devices,you'd give your self to the player next door and convince yourself that if you loved him hard enough, he will change. Well here's the sad reality,men NEVER change. They become more ingrained in their idiosyncracies the older they become.The only way a man can change is if he is passionate about you and it's that kind of passion that causes him to compromise his warts for yours. He will control his temper around you, he will wait for you in the pouring rain as opposed to throwing deuces, which he normally does. He will pick your phone call even when you have been drunk dialing him about that chic he keeps texting when you are together. Why I speak so passionately about warts and all from a man's perspective is because as women, we are more malleable than men. We can take in a lot of things, that is why we are mothers and care givers. Men on the other hand are innately selfish and always look out for number one.Let me give you vibe, a friend of mine told me how over the weekend, his male friend had an argument with the chic and the dude told her to bounce...please not this was after the chic has cooked him dinner...and she left! And guess what, she will be back. A man can tell you to get the stepping more scathingly than a woman can and that is why,in a relationship,the man has to be the passion giver and bearer. How many stories or experiences have you had of exes who move on at a heartbeat and got married in 6 months...men! And does it annoy you how men text you with a hint of aloofness after a breakup ( even if it was agreeable) aki...men! Point? If he left you, he wasn't meant to stay so don't force it,let it go. If God gave you one, He will give you another. Also be careful about a man who is quick to leave you for your flaws. We all have them and that is what makes us spicy. As annoying as they are, he also has to realise, you had a story going on before he came so he should also "chapterise" himself and not make you a book mark. As much as selfishness runs true,compromise is important. You can't always dismiss what doesn't make you happy. Gold is not mined pure, nor are babies born whole. You invest and stick it out,warts and all. Makes sense? If he cares about you and genuinely wants to be with you, he will take you as you are, warts and all! And ladies if you find him, make it count..don't take it for granted, your warts,if unreasonable, can also cause him to throw deuces, tell you to get the steppin, after you have not only cooked but hatched a baby who annoyingly looks like him!!
:) Love and Light

Sunday, 22 April 2012


It is probably in season that my first blog post in a while comes with the new Google plus settings. I sorta feel the same sense of violation I felt when facebook added the new Timeline ( which I have totally refused to switch to by the way) Call me a creature of habit :) So I didn't blog about my heart being ripped out of my chest to make samosa fillings...because it was too grotesque a period. Neither did I blog about the many milestones my son gives me day by day ( like washing the table with yogurt and licking my roll-on...boys) However, I need to blog about something that has been bugging me for the last couple of months and if this post begins to sound like a,"letter to the editor" bear with me, my soul is heavy *cue Nneka* In February 2012 I organised singles night at my church,Mavuno Mashariki. I did so because I was tired of good women missing out on good men because the latter cannot read signs! Kenyan men ( sorry for the stereotype) just don't get hints fast enough especially from a sassy lass who is wanton for his goodies! Men tend to find brazen women too straight forward and with the every guy catching the "friends with benefits" or "chips funga" flu, it's kinda hard for a good old fashioned girl to get some Vitamin C. That said,I am dating again and boy oh boy isn't it weird! From the crushes to the awkwardness to the stupid stunts (like telling the Java manager he is hotter than their home fries) *cringe at the memory* It's one big roller coaster that I think I have forgotten how to ride. I have, however, learnt A LOT from the sermon series at church #finderskeepers and the from the consequent singles night ...dating in Nairobi needs DIVINE INTERVENTION. Every guy I have met post breakup wants to bed me! I don't blame em ( this descendant of Ramogi throws it down and then some)*dusting shoulders* but that is not what I want! I am at that stage and age when cheap thrills are for I-max cinemas,I am a grown woman with grown woman needs and guess what,I now come with a plus one, my bundle of joy,King Arthur,my son. So getting into the dating scene I am very cautious of what men say and do. You see when a man wants you he will say ANYTHING and lemme tell you I am a sucker for words. Say it right,sprinkle it with hot sauce and a serve it up with a big spoon? I'm your customer, with a freaking smart card! My grace however is that being in two long term relationships,I am beginning to discern the difference between what a man says and what he means. My campus roommate used to tell me,"Cindy,just because a man wants to buy you chocolate doesn't mean he likes you.If a man likes you, you will know it and everyone will know it too,including the neighbour's dog!" Now correct me if I'm wrong but men tend to be emotionally exclusive creatures.If a man,say,likes football, you will know it from his twitter handle (@lovemanunitedfan) to the many white and red jerseys in his closet and off course, his weekend plans. The same with if a man is a smart businessman. From the way he dresses to whom he hangs out with, his website,it resonates from that one part of his brain that fuels hisr passion. The same thing happens when a man is into a chic. He will pursue her relentlessly. Don't get me wrong I'm not talking about stalking, but if a man is about your business ( whether to get into your pants or into your heart) you will know it and his lingo will show it. I believe that in the case of "Man wants into your pants" words like,"sexy, hot, turn on," are used often because you see, he is selling sex so you as the buyer need to know what currency you're going to be exchanging. Goods ones sold are not replaceable remember. The same happens when a man is after your heart. He will be about your business, how your day was, what are your interests? Where do you hang out? How is your baby? The man will even notice how your eyes become like tiny chinks when you laugh out loud. I recently got a mix of both that confused me and excited me at the same time. Here is this suitor who seeks after me with a hint of lust just enough to give me a "buzz" ( I'm a Christian woman but every girl needs a lil buzz can I get a high five!!! no? moving on!).A few weeks into our back and forth, all was well, I was called all sort of names, from "Baby, honey, future wife, sugar" and then for some reason, the communication and the "buzz" went south. The suitor cited legal issues that he was undergoing and the never ending need to make that paper as he is a young entrepreneur. Granted, who am I to get in the way of the law or the making of money. *cue Octopizzo "Make that Mula buy that Ndula* But here's the thing,when the tables turned and it became about me chasing him, the hand of power changed. Owing to the singular mind I have explained earlier,I have come to realise that unless the man does the chasing and hence remains with the "hand of power", the later results are in vain! It is foolish to try and compete with a man's ego or passion. He wants what he wants and no amount of rump shaking will ever change that. So if a man wants you, he will make it his passion. He will make time for you, he move mountains and guess what, he will not MAKE EXCUSES. The hand of power is what makes a man the head of the house, it is what makes a man a leader, it is what makes a man A MAN! This morning, I read a tweet by @revrunwisdom,"Ladies:: Here's a clue..When a man really wants to be with someone NO excuses will be made..Time will be made! #MANOLOGY" How painfully true and in my situation, a red flag that I have since read and halted at the crossroads. I have to be hunted meaning you have to make time for me and not give me excuses. A building is just as strong as its foundation and if I don't stand up for what I deserve now then then it will be weeks and months of compromise ( been there done that) Ladies, it is ok to have your own set of rules that guide YOU in a relationship. According to #finderskeepers they are called DEAL BREAKERS. For me, a deal breaker is when I stop becoming the hunted and become a hunter. Granted, every relationship needs a healthy dose of give and take however reciprocity is very important for continual co-existence and since men are men, it is super important that they have AND MAINTAIN the passion of pursuit. I don't know about you but it sucks to wait all day for a text that is half baked and covered with stale icing. It sucks when you are the one on the phone asking when the next date is gonna be and it sucks monkey balls to play that ,"I wonder if I should say hi,will I seem to eager?" game when you see the suitors chat window pop green for go. I think there's freedom in true pursuit, freedom to know that your bold step of love will be met by an even bolder step of mutual affirmation. That we are in this together and you are into me as much as I am into you and here's evidence,let's have lunch next week. If you are constantly panicking about whether your into itmore than he is, chances are, it's true! Here's another gem from @revrunwisdom "Ladies:: when a man is ready to committ it'll be VERY easy to tell...If u start sense he's playin u.. HE IS #MANOLOGY" So I'm just gonna skip this one out and wait for God to send me a real man who know a real woman's worth *cue Alicia Keys* and if you are single and willing to mingle,let's met at the next Singles night at Mavuno Mashariki in June 2012. Remember #finderskeepers #loosersweepers *search for #finderskeepers on twitter for more edification on how to find and keep the one Love and Light :)

Wednesday, 4 January 2012



1. Drink plenty of water
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants, and eat less food that is manufactured in plants
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy
5. Make time for prayer
6. Play more games
7. Read more books than you did in 2011
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day
9. Sleep for 7 hours
10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk every day ---- and while you walk, smile


11. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment
13.. Don't over do ; keep your limits
14. Don't take yourself so seriously ; no one else does
15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip
16.. Dream more while you are awake
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need..
18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more
24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.


25. Call your family often
26. Each day give something good to others
27. Forgive everyone for everything
28. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day
30. What other people think of you is none of your business
31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick... Your family and friends will. Stay in touch.


32. Do the right things
33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful
34. GOD heals everything
35.. However good or bad a situation is, it will change
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up
37. The best is yet to come
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.


I was very good at broken telephone in primary school.

The mean girl with the shrub who always rushed through the "secret" word had nothing on me because I could decipher her words. I am still good at it 15 years later..OK 20 but whose counting :)

I am very good at hearing what people don't say.In campus I attended all psychology electives that dealt with interpersonal behaviour and non verbal communication. Why? Because for the longest I felt, and still feel, that people don't understand me (sometimes). Is it me? Is it them? Am I from Venus and the whole freaking globe is from Mars? Whatever the reason is, I am good at communicating..in my own way.

Trouble is, I keep encountering people as close as my most excellent bed mate, who aren't.

How do we learn how to communicate then?

From our parents? from our house helps? I fired my son's nanny this morning because, among other misdemeanours, she has taught my niece to say,"weee" "mjinga" and "angalia huyu" As a result, my cute 2 year old niece communicates through abuse. My son, by beating her up and all of us by yelling.

Why do we expect others to read our minds and know the entire picture – the one that is in your mind – without showing it to them? Just because one person has the picture in their minds eye, doesn’t mean that anyone else sees it. As a matter of fact, you are the only one in the entire world (or Universe) that sees that picture!


The world’s history is riddled with cultural and religious clashes, with millions of senseless loss of life over one thing: Lack Of Communication Skills. You could also call it: Refusal To Appreciate Other People’s Views. In 2011 I lost a lot of friends and businesses because of lack of communication skills on both my part and that of the communicatees <--- Just coined this word if you use it MPESA!

Here are a few rules about communication that I have learnt to avoid BROKEN TELEPHONE:

1. Never communicate via social media

When Mark Zuckerberg started face book (then called The Facebook) he wanted guys in Harvard to get to know each other better. Noble cause. Fast forward 8 years later, guys now cheat, hire, fire, make up and yes breakup through facebook, twitter, gmail chat, skype, meebo, snap even Linkedin! I laugh that the new way to show enmity is by "removing" someone from facebook, blocking them, unfollowing them on twitter and such. Gone were the days when you just avoided meeting them in town! The world has really become a global village.

Social media is the perfect example of "Broken Telephone."
When someone posts something on Facebook, you will automatically think that they are targeting you as an individual. I have a friend on fb called Eddie Mbugua who is constantly getting into a "comments" argument with his wad of female friends about some of the chauvinistic statuses he posts. Why? There's the me me factor.

It's not always about you!

No seriously.

Point is, if you have guts enough to put it on face book and twitter, have the same gusto to pick the phone and call and yes NEVER text! The tone in texts is worse than on chat and twice the charge!

Did you know you text and chat according to your state of mind? The optimism spewed when you have just gotten paid or laid is very different from the one you have on Sunday morning or after a great loss. If someone taunts you in the afternoon, you work in Industrial area, have a had a crappy lunch or a boring work load, you will subconsciously off load all that stress on the text.

Face to face is always best. Don't break up on the phone, tell then face to face. Don't solve emotional conflict via social media, face to face is always best.

You see,you can see the pain written all over someones face when they explain how that text really hurt them. you can also touch them which, scientist have proven, is indeed a language of love.

Leave social media to occupy wall street, the Egyptians, Major General ChirChir and free advertising, don't fight on facebook and please, don't whine on twitter, I don't know why, especially on that forum, you come across like the hugest looser south of Qaddafi's grave!

2. Tell the person, not their mother, best friend or boss

"I can't stand that person." How many times have you pseudo confided/ runt and raved to a stranger, work mate, friend or even a relative.

This is where broken telephone earns it's degree. The worst kind of information is second hand. Personally, I have been so hurt by what I heard than what was told to my face. There's some malice that comes from 2nd hand information. Depending on whose giving it, it can either be laden with crap, royco and venom. It's my 2012 resolution not to talk about people because guess what, people will talk about me too and in the worst ways.

In 2011 a good friend of mine cornered me about some juicy piece of trash I was hauling around about her. What I liked was HOW she told me. 3 months later when more important things had happened in her life. She called me out with respect and I took it, how could I not? I also learnt that if I give it, I've got to take it. I have been trash talked so much in 2011 it's a wonder I don't wear garbage bags.

So now I tell people, with respect. Steppin' to guys is really a ghetto thing to do. We all fall, we are all imperfect, this whole issue of calling someone out like they owe you rent is really juvenile and the result of having a bad nanny ( re-affirming my decision to fire the bitch) It is also very juvey to brood. As a noun, brood means a bunch of chickens, as an adjective, it means acting like a child. Children mope because their communication skills are not fully developed. Adults brood because their communication skills are not fully developed. Difference, are you a child? no? GROW UP!

3. Never burn your bridges, it is never that serious

Unless it is an abusive, adulterous, hurtful ex, never use the word never.

"I will never talk to this person again." Life is full of elements that bring us together in ways that only the Almighty knows. I never liked my cousin, he was a bit of an asshole and he beat his wife. When he died tragically in a road accident, it didn't matter, we were all equal. That's the point really, we are all equal. The only place where some are more equal than others is in the "Animal farm" and in Parliament.

If my flaw is financial management, maybe yours is verbal diarrhea and the other guy rapes people! We are all equal, no one is more perfect than the other especially when communicating with someone you love.

If you pose your point of view as more superior than the other person's then your going no where really. It can't always be your way and even though you are set in them, the world isn't yours, there are people with a different set of ideals. Agree to disagree, don't rubbish them as a lost cause.

I am straight but don't hate on homosexuals. I am a Christian, I don't hate on Muslims. That's just me. Opinions differ but we are one. Agree to disagree don't write off all Somalis as Al Shabaab for example.


If someone writes you off, hung up the phone and step on" Bishop T.D Jakes

Which brings me to my final point

4. Let it go

Sometimes, no amount of talking is going to solve it. If you have followed all the steps of communicating which are:

AIMING> What and why do you want to communicate

ENCODING> What language should I use, what does the "user" already know

TRANSMITTING> Is it the right time and what is the point

RECEIVING> Remember that whatever you read or are told, people think 3 times faster than they speak

DECODING> Did the sender get the message?

RESPONDING> This could also mean, not saying anything at all or blogging about it


Page 5 of 366 done!

Love and Light to you and yours...always