I am a woman because of a man
who fell in love with my mother
and proved that yes he can have sperms that swim
faster that Michael Phelps and with his help
I learned to call him daddy and love my mummy
because she is mum coz he is dad
a man

I am a woman because of a man
who fell in love with me or was it I to him
my fixation on him was nearly a sin
as I gave him access to that soul within
and watched with that same liberty as he used that freedom to crush me
I am now stronger and a wiser lover
because I was a lover
to a man
...ok an asshole ( doesn't have to rhyme)

I am a woman because of a man
He is the Great I am
who looks at my tempest and is never shaken
who hungs out with me, through hell and through heaven
He told me that I am not forgoten and am highly favoured
with his romantic words I now adorn a swagger
I hold my head up High because I belong to the Most High
because He is both God and Man

I am still a woman because of a man
for those who call me sister, auntie
and for those who will call me wife
because you see the woman in me and treat me accordingly
treating me with gentleness, speaking to me attentively
arousing my feminine whiles, letting me hug your pain away
letting me cry and smile,whin and advice, follow and have my way
I am a woman , not ashamed to be called one
I am phenomenal through and through whether am a size 6 or 10
I have been since I was born and even in death even then
I will thank the men who had a hand in letting me say
I am a woman because of a man....amen and amen!

Tired

I am so tired of being alone
Am tired of wanting to get along
Can I add, Sick and tired of being broke
Very tired of people taking me as a joke because
I don't comb my hair or have a flare that is womanlike
sure when my jeans are tight
you might like what you see but you see
dressing up isn't me
It stems from a past of covering my body up
I was afraid if I showed too much, my cup would overflow
and there we would go again and again and again so I got tired...

Tired of being called a tom boy
I mean...who the hell is Tom?
And I know that because of my dad I look like a boy
but I call it reflection
From a man who sired a woman who can change a nation
I love the fact that I look like my dad
So I'll be damned if true love tells me to take it all back
To weave it, nail polish, to give sexy back
I am beautiful even when my "fashion"is under attack

Dont you find it wierd that we all dress the same
and depending on your shade or colour,
It may add or reduce your fame
Like a big family that shops at deacons,
it's lame
To brand someone fashionable
Because their dress has a centimetre wide lable.

I am just saying
am tired of being alone
In this war of clothes
dont get me wrong, look smart, feel better about your woes
but if you do it for esteem?
Then your inner beauty is dim
No matter what they say you are a cherubim
so stop acting like sheep and act your image...HIM!

I wear clothes that fit my body
Hells yeah am sexy
Got legs that run all the way up
you know you want to touch me
But I choose to slip them into trousers
Not because I dont have the hours
to shop for a dress
But because I impress even in my distress jeans
coz am tighter than a Cavalli seam
I am a cherubim
reflection of a creation
Am just sayin.....
I am HIM

IT'S FEB ALREADY!

I know I haven't been active on my blog this year. Allow me to share with you an annoying fact...whenever I get emotional and feel like rendering my heart in words, most often than not, I am far away from a computer, pen or paper.

So I sit like a sack of anxiety and ponder my nerves off.

Right now am in the office, watching Monday's edition of re-up ( a music show that airs on NTV weekdays from 6-7 p.m). There is a segment that I am particular about, it's an events recap which my boss entrusted to me. Thing is, the guy who edits it is a proud jango ( nuff said). So I tell this proud jango to chop some irrelevant bits, he doesn't and worse of all has these excuses argh!

But that's the least of my worries...a lot of things are on my mind right now.

I have just concluded some reality tv show, everyone is expecting instant fame, contracts...hmmm

I am also beginning to long to be with God, in His steady presence that is all so quiet...everything around me is so noisy, it's like I am never alone, I am constantly surrounded by bellowing voices, whispers of people chattering, gossiping, laughing...I think am slowly loosing my noggin!

But still I wake up, longing for the breeze to visit my face ever so softly...not like it doesn't, it's just hmmmm

My elder sister is pregnant but I don't feel like a part of her life any more( remember the previous blog nolens volens)

Well now tha I am in a new stage of maturity in my life ( I moved out of home, the desire to be her "best friend" overwhelms me but still, I can't pick the phone. You know because of our bitter past, bile is always pre-set at the bottom of her tongue and trust me, when she spits, it's poisonous hmmmm

I have also has a falling out with my two best friends from High School, one because I spoke my mind and it was too loud, the other because I poke my mind and it fell on deaf ears.

I have stopped believing in best friends...now I believe in Angels

Hmmmm

2009/2000 and MINE/2000 and SHINE!

Everyone has high hopes for this year. You can tell by their swagger in town, they are looking for something even if it is only the beat of their hearts that guides them.

I have such dreams this year too, crazy dreams, and I am not sure if it is vain or not, but they involve making big money:-)

I pray my dreams will take me
to the top of the green hill
where the grass feels as soft as my fantacies
those semi-dream realities
that possess me sometimes to the point where, I dare say
I can do just about anything

I can stand up and let you know what I really think of you
where my friendships are more true than far between
where people understand exactly what I mean

those medleys are beautiful
my heart if so hopeful this year
I will take my doubtful spear
and pierce ...

you want to know what?

keep reading

Happy New Year.
May God cause his face to shine upon you
May He open up the windows of heaven for you
And grant you ...your dreams

This poem was inspired by the Awakening by Sonny Carrol

THE AWAKENING

My awakening came one day when I sat on my bed clutching my heart so tight
Coz I thought it was going to burst open
Pain ripped through me like I had swallowed hot stones that were beating in tandem with my anxiety
And to my surprise I whispered loudly, there is more to life than James Brown
Off course I can’t say his name, my purpose is not to defame him it’s about the awakening, that time that comes in your life when you finally get it

Your spirit, In the midst of all your fears and insanity stops you dead in your tracks cries ENOUGH!!
Enough fighting and crying
Struggling and trying to hold on.
And, like a child quieting down after fitful storm,
Your sobs begin to subside, and something inside you sees the world
Like they were staring out of God’s eyes.
The tide is an awakening.

You realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change,
Your deranged view of happiness, safety and security
Gallop over to the next horizon and disappear
Like your belief in Prince Charming, that’s fiction
and you are not Cinderella that’s a vision
the world paints to taint your focus on facts.
The fact is there aren’t fairytale endings or beginnings
and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" is with giving the child back to you

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect,
not everyone will always love, appreciate your defects
and it's OK.
They are entitled to their own opinions, they call themselves legion coz their points of view are many
So tell me, why would there contusions be a reason to judge your every breath with
You awaken when you stop bitching and blaming other people for maiming you by what they did or did not do to you
and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.

And the awakening, so

Wake up and smell the coffee darling, it’s not always about you
you learn to overlook shortcomings and human frailties
you learn to stop judging and pointing fingers,
you learn you learn you learn


to open up to new worlds and different points of view.
Redefining the good people and the goody two-shoes
You learn the difference between wanting and needing,
discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, through learning
arming yourself with a cross that you now bare gracefully
like scars reminding you that the past is not a destiny
the stars are things that you should play on
walk on water kind of faith
those days are gone
You have worn your last crown of bondage
Packed all your false realities in storage
Coz we all know that love causes
You to learn
you learn you learn you learn

the difference between romantic love and familial love.
when to stop giving, and when to walk away.
And it’s ok
You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship.
You a more valuable than an emotional field trip
Stay at home, read a book,
"alone" does not mean lonely.
Is there anybody who is feeling me
say learn

Awakening is when
You admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of a wall
You stand tall and are thankful
and take comfort in things that are simple
a full fridge, running water,
a warm bed,
a long hot shower.
Slowly you begin to take responsibility for yourself, by yourself,
You make a promise to never betray thyself
and to never, ever settle for less
than your heart's desire.
You walk through the wire, umbrella in hand
Balancing and trusting the wind
That you now listen to
Because your heart is open to everything wonderful
Finally you don’t grab it so hard
You understand
with courage and with God by your side,
you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and abide to
design the life you want to live as best you can.

Because you have lived and learnt
And are now wide awake!

The Awakening

The Awakening

A time comes in your life when you finally get it. When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out -- ENOUGH!! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is your awakening. You realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming, and you are not Cinderella and that in the real world there aren't always fairytale endings (or beginnings for that matter), and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you, and in the process a sense of serenity is born out of acceptance. You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect, and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are and it's OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions. And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself, and in the process a sense of newly found confidence is born of self-approval. You stop bitching and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.

You learn that not everyone will always be there for you, and that it's not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance. You stop judging and pointing fingers, and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness. You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche. And you begin to sift through all the crap you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look, how much you shouldn't weigh, what you should wear, where you should shop, what you should drive, how and where you should live, what you should do for a living, who you should sleep with, who you should marry, what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of having and raising children, or what you owe your parents.



You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing, and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with, and in the process you learn to go with your instincts. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility, and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry, and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love. Romantic love and familial love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving, and when to walk away. You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, not intelligent, more lovable, or important because of the man or woman on your arm or the child that bears your name. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations, and outcomes. You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love and you learn that you don't have the right to demand love on your terms. Just to make you happy. And, you learn that "alone" does not mean lonely.

And you look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you "stack up." You also stop working so hard at putting feelings aside, smoothing things over, and ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK...and that it is you right to want the things that you want. And that sometimes it is necessary to make demands. You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect, and that you will not settle for less. And you allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you, to glorify you with his or her touch, and in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect.

And you learn that your body is really your temple. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water, and taking more time to exercise. You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear, so you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels the soul, so you take more time to laugh and to play. You learn that, for the most part, in life you get what you believe you deserve, and that much of life is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for, and that wishing for something to happen is different for working toward making it happen. More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success, you need direction, discipline, and perseverance. You also learn that not one can do it all alone and it's OK to risk asking for help.

You learn that the only thing you must really fear is the great robber baron of all time: FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears, because you know that whatever happens, you can handle it, and to give into fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms. You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On those occasions you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God is not always punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It's just life happening. And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state - the ego. You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy, and resentment must be understood and redirected, or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.

You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls. You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower. Slowly you begin to take responsibility for yourself, by yourself, and you try to make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less than your heart's desire. And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best you can.

~Sonny Carroll

SHAME ON YOU!

Apostle Nyagah has some nerve declaring that women cannot wear trousers in church I mean, who is he? I have been at this game of salvation and protestant living long enough to declare that, in some churches, Sundays should just be called what they are, A MONEY MAKING SCHEME. Has his pockets grown so heavy with our tithes and offerings that he has forgotten the humble beginning of Neno Evangelistic church, when women wore trousers without a single word of protest from him? Is he so haughty, that he now conveniently forgets that the women –wearing-trousers sermons are the same as crying for a tooth for a tooth and an eye for an eye!

“Behold, the old has gone but the new has come” Jesus did not come to change the law but to complete it, not for people like Apostle sijui who, to declare that women, those low beings that we can dictate to like children, should not wear trousers. The unmitigated cheek! Shame on you!

In campus we had, what I believe was the most ridiculously hypocritical C.U in our pagan existence. Students, who became church leaders by virtue of how loud their tongues could wail, would pompously stand on the pulpit and declare 21st Century chauvinism! These are the same people who have children out of wedlock or were caught at some women’s hostels at an ungodly hour, literally! From this experience, I came to realise that doctrinal decrees are at best whimsical, based on the personal convictions of an individual. These men-of-God have been brought up in gichagi, where there mothers and sisters wore flared long skirts and tied headscarves on their heads. Now in the bid towards earning a shilling, they come to town, start churches and begin passing on their personal beliefs and norms to people, who have seen skirts and trousers long enough to know if you are looking for trouble you will find it!

Does Grace Msalame, a beautiful woman by the way, dress indecently? Hell no! But how many men ogle at her generous hips! Let me tell you, even if you wear a bui bui, if your head is in the gutter, it will look for rubbish. These so called “men” who called Classic 105 this morning declaring that women should not wear trousers…period. These are the same callous fiends who fornicate in private, are probably addicted to porn or have an unsatisfied sex life. Please! Don’t hate what you can’t conquer, and if you share the same school of thought as Apostle Nyagah, then the picture is for you! Bon Appetite!