Tuesday, 10 July 2012

My Inside Story,in two seconds

Have you ever had that feeling when you thought you were over something or well on your way to getting over it then suddenly, without warning, something happens to pull you back into that darkness you swore never to go back to. That happened to me today, it took all of 2 seconds, 2 seconds that are as much a blur as the 2 seconds after my son was born. All it took was a fraction of a minute to set me back months, many minutes in those months when I fought every hook and cranny in my brain that tried to tell me that I couldn’t make it, I couldn’t get over it that I, will never be whole again. So there I was sited in this cold auditorium, using free wireless and drinking free coffee and yet not feeling very freed at all. On the contrary, I felt that all familiar tire of having thought a lot. A part of me wanted to just sit there and do nothing, and then the other part was forced into action. You see, I was part of many “free” Kenyans who had come all the way to Westlands to view free stuff hoping to get free contacts that can further their discounted life. It was 1 p.m and the movie was about to begin, the hall was filling up, annoyingly, with young irritant little students who were discussing the film industry with so much savvy, I thought I was in bloody Hollywood! Am I hating? Off course, my brief encounter placed me in the mood of righteous indignation. I am now the “otero” of this story so if you don’t like, call Jack Bauer, tell him to kiss my black numb ass. I digress, where was I? yes I was jolted back into life...by God. He just loooooves giving His lil kids a reality check, bless Him too because we, self righteous depressants, like mellowing in our own pool of self pity. We like feeling that the circumstances in life are very different for us, somewhat unfair. That if we had just met the right person, was born in to the right family, got into the right matatu and made it to the venue earlier, we would avoid our little 2 second encounters, we would be peachy...we would be fine. And in our day to day auditoriums, whatever yours is, say your office, your room, the loo (I think a lot in the toilet true story) in our little cocoons of self pity, we allow ourselves to be the infamous victims of circumstances, we see a bunch of leaves, we don’t see the forest from the trees. So God by his wisdom and grace, through this movie that had a great overcoming story, God allowed me get over myself. It’s not that simple, I wish it were lol. The aftermath of my 2second encounter led me to send a text in 10 seconds, the replies took 2 minutes and in a record 3 minutes 45 seconds I managed to significantly give away my joy to people who don’t give me a second thought when they clean their own asses. Did I beat myself up? You betcha! I wanted to do what is femininely familiar and call my girlfriend to rant over overpriced coffee and maybe a cookie but instead I did what most tech savvy attention seekers do, I wrote a blog post  Listen boo boo we are not perfect; we are here to be perfected. The getting over process is slow and precarious and because it’s life, you don’t know what it will throw your way. Just when you thought you were over a loved ones death, a familiar song plays and your stomach turns grey, just when you thought you have all the esteem in the world, the man you have a huge crush on sashays by with a chic who looks photo shopped and tummy tucked! With real leather boots for sprinkles! Just when you thought you were over the scum bag that made you shave your hair, pierce your lips and get a phoenix tattoo, you meet the chic he left you for, and the 2 seconds lasts forever. But that’s life, uniquely unpredictable and unforgiving vitriol. What there is also is life within life, that is God and His word that says, His plans are to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a hope and a future. That same God watched as Joseph’s brother sold him as a slave to the Egyptians then faked his death. To add drama to the scene, his only chance of breaking his virginity was to his boss’s wife!! I mean give the guy a break! But he made it, through the 2 seconds , through the 7 years of feminine, he made it, got the big fat paying gava job and I’m sure, was getting laid like madddd, with chicks who had huge tits and were half his age ( every civil servants dream)  So I cried through the mushy bits of the movie, secretly secreting my own pain through it. When it was done, I peed (I’m going somewhere with this) I walked over to a restaurant, had a hot cuppa brew and used their free wireless to tell this story. Do I feel better? Yes! Do you? I sincerely hope you do...If you don’t, well, I hope you still have Jack Bauer on speed dial coz my black ass is warm and ready to face the next 2 seconds, come what may. Here’s a link to the movie that was screened as part of the AITEC Conference 2012. I personally found the whole AIDS theme tacky I mean can’t we have an African story without poverty or disease? Anyhoo, have a look and make your own critic http://www.insidestorythemovie.org/