A week after #manology comes the story of a week long relationship. I won't get into the details of it and why it ended ( that's an entirely different blog post) I will however share some insights from my week long "interesting" experience.
Firstly,it is hard to date in this rainy weather,you will either bond in a coffee house until they force you out or you will date in traffic. Traffic is fine because you get to cuddle in a stationery position sort like in the cinemas. However, the stuffiness of a matatu, exhaust fumes and the temperament of Kenyan drivers creates an atmosphere charged with vitriol emotions. This, my dears, is NOT the best place to ask that deep question or to bring up a topic that is otherwise uncomfortable ( note to self)
I'm sorry my mind is all over the place with this one so I'm gonna go straight into it and say,"Ladies, if a man wants to leave,let him go!"
There is power is allowing something to leave your life with the same gusto it came in. I am the queen of "Let's stick it out"land. Truth me that island is colonised by thoughts of insecurity and the constant need to be asserted.I am going to expose my left ventricle and say that I have a constant need to be affirmed, especially in a relationship. I need the man to constantly mush me up with words of affirmation like,"I wanna be with you" , "I'm not gonna leave you" , " I want to spend each and every waking breath with you even if your stories are repetitive,I will make it work."
Truth is,this manfriend had a life and a "story" going on way before you came and flaunted your good heart,charm and apple bottom his way. These stories don't change,you simply become the new chapter in his book not a book mark. If he had female friends,he will continue to have them, and will still keep the photo of his ex on his phone because guess what,that's how men are. Unless he is convinced that this chapter in his life needs to become a thesis,he will read you with the same interest he will others. I learnt this the hard way and it cost me,what could have been,"The One."
However! The "One" won't leave you and here is why. We are constantly looking for a partner who has these qualities that we feel, are adaptable to our story. A new addition,I have come to learn is,if he really wants in, nothing will make him leave,he will take you in warts and all.
Warts and all means that you have a bad side right? You nag, breath heavily on the phone, have small tits, fart in public..whatever.When a man wants in,he takes all that bull with the same stride he takes in your kisses and hugs for the simple fact that it doesn't phase him from his goal, to have you.
So many reasons cause men to leave. From my experience,it could be he is not mentally prepared to be in a relationship or sadly,he's just not that into you. All my Christian friends forgive me for using coarse language but,the bottom line, a relationship is a constant shoveling of shit from one date to another. Don't get me wrong, the lovey doveys are a must. But that doesn't last long.Even your new shinny job takes its toll after you have done the same thing over and over again. What makes it sweet is the pursuit of passion. The realization that regardless of this persons flaws,they make your life happy and that means more to you than their temper tantrums,their drunk texts and their random killer farts.
Finding someone who loves you "warts and all" is hard. Here's where God comes in,the maker of all warts. He knows what your weaknesses are and aligns you with someone who will take them and vice versa. I honestly believe in divine pairing because face it, left to your own devices,you'd give your self to the player next door and convince yourself that if you loved him hard enough, he will change.
Well here's the sad reality,men NEVER change. They become more ingrained in their idiosyncracies the older they become.The only way a man can change is if he is passionate about you and it's that kind of passion that causes him to compromise his warts for yours. He will control his temper around you, he will wait for you in the pouring rain as opposed to throwing deuces, which he normally does. He will pick your phone call even when you have been drunk dialing him about that chic he keeps texting when you are together. Why I speak so passionately about warts and all from a man's perspective is because as women, we are more malleable than men. We can take in a lot of things, that is why we are mothers and care givers.
Men on the other hand are innately selfish and always look out for number one.Let me give you vibe, a friend of mine told me how over the weekend, his male friend had an argument with the chic and the dude told her to bounce...please not this was after the chic has cooked him dinner...and she left! And guess what, she will be back. A man can tell you to get the stepping more scathingly than a woman can and that is why,in a relationship,the man has to be the passion giver and bearer.
How many stories or experiences have you had of exes who move on at a heartbeat and got married in 6 months...men!
And does it annoy you how men text you with a hint of aloofness after a breakup ( even if it was agreeable) aki...men!
Point? If he left you, he wasn't meant to stay so don't force it,let it go. If God gave you one, He will give you another. Also be careful about a man who is quick to leave you for your flaws. We all have them and that is what makes us spicy. As annoying as they are, he also has to realise, you had a story going on before he came so he should also "chapterise" himself and not make you a book mark. As much as selfishness runs true,compromise is important. You can't always dismiss what doesn't make you happy. Gold is not mined pure, nor are babies born whole. You invest and stick it out,warts and all.
If he cares about you and genuinely wants to be with you, he will take you as you are, warts and all!
And ladies if you find him, make it count..don't take it for granted, your warts,if unreasonable, can also cause him to throw deuces, tell you to get the steppin, after you have not only cooked but hatched a baby who annoyingly looks like him!!