Once again I find my self in the receiving end of this constant roller coaster of amour Granted my choices have been wanting but my intentions during the formative stages warrant a better ending than this constant drilling of my a wound still smarting from my last desertion A pain that ebbs an emotion so terrible that it shakes the very foundation of my soul and pushes me to the boundaries of insanity I am undone, so much so that I want to run up 50 flights of stairs to the tallest building I can find and just when I am almost out of breath, I want to use whatever whisper I have in me to bellow out a harrowing cry, a silent echo of the deep emptiness I now feel My life has become unpalatable and my belief systems shaken. So jaded am I that the thin line between self love and pity has been crossed, intermarriages happened and begot an offspring of hopelessness Cold pockets in my bed constantly remind me of my destitution, my constant curse in loving men who, when push comes to shove, choose to run to the furthest corner of their universe than to make it work at the nearest grocery store with me How revolting am I…How absurd is my constant belief in a mate that the reciprocation is wanting Or perhaps the problem is me, thinking of myself too highly when indeed I am the dread that haunts gentlemen at their finest hour Will I ever sleep Will I ever slumber Will I ever truly awake Will I ever STOP having a heart ache!